Zarbon VS Shasha and Dodoria Saga
by Karatelover
Summary: This is a collection of stories featuring the vain and in his own world Zarbon vs his ruthless and brutal misogynist ex-trainer Shasha and Shasha's best friend in the entire universe, aka Dodoria. It features comedy, full of drama, and of course brutality and a whole lot of scenarios that prove once and for all that Zarbon was not meant to be friends with these two ruthless thugs.
1. Chapter 1

_Then She Came Along, part 1_

School was out forever for Zarbon, well military school at least. Zarbon was at the tender age of seventeen and he and Appule were in a large spa and pool area, which appeared to be in the rainforest outside Frieza's palace, but not very far. They were soaking in the same hot tub; Appule and Zarbon were all relaxed, making casual talk.

"I'm only seventeen and my life is a living hell!" Zarbon said frowning.

Appule looked surprise, "But Zarbon you should count the blessings in your life, like for instance you're allowed to disagree with Frieza, and I can't even do that."

Zarbon glared at Appule, "Oh come on, you have disagreed with Frieza more than once, and nothing bad has happened to you, other than being whipped. I hate him with a passion, but on the other hand modeling has helped me with some of that pain. "Zarbon said.

"Uh Zarbon does Frieza know you're modeling?" Appule asked.

Zarbon chuckled, "Absolutely not! But at least I'm not at that stupid military academy any longer; I was a straight-A student and the top of my class, but I didn't have any friends and everyone made fun of me for being smarter than them, and being so much better looking than them."

Appule then said, "But you got at least two Bs."

Zarbon then said, "I was depressed, I have manic-depressive disorder I was diagnosed at age fifteen you know, it's so common among Primal Changelings such as myself."

Actually the truth be told, Zarbon was not really manic-depressive, but he was prone to mood swings and depression, which is why he was diagnosed with it, but it was incorrect. One minuet he could be as sweet as pie, but then the next thing you know he is shouting at you or making snide remarks, oh well, not even Zarbon was perfect.

Appule then smiled, "Boy you must have had some dumb people in your class if you were at the top of your class."

"You aren't kidding; a lot of the people at school wouldn't even speak proper English." Zarbon said.

Zarbon then dropped down further into the hot tub to his chin, "Nothing could possibly go wrong!" He said.

He was sure wrong about that, unexpectedly a young woman, who was Zarbon's own species walked towards the palace. She was really pretty with those yellow eyes, brown skin, long thick black hair, and somewhere around 5'3 feet tall. She was only fifteen years old, she even had one strand of hair that was in a braid, and she was dressed really and I mean really sleazy, well not horribly sleazy, but to the point where some of those men would get the wrong impression of her.

She walked up to the gates where the two guards were standing guard. She spoke up in a proper English sounding accent, "Excuse me can anyone tell me where Zarbon is?" She asked.

One of the guards looked at her and whistled, "Nice tits, are you a C or a D cup?" He asked.

She smiled uncomfortably and timidly said, "Um a C-34," she answered.

The other guard just smiled and said, "Come on in lady."

He opened the door, "Thank you so much," she said walking into the palace.

Next thing you know, one of the guards ran to where Zarbon and Appule were, "Zarbon?" he yelled.

Zarbon frowned at him, "What I'm in the middle of a conversation!"

"A lady is here to see you." The guard replied.

"Oh no not another fanatic," Zarbon then got out of the hot tub; ad wrapped a towel around his waist, "Tell her to go to my room, I need to have a little talk with this fanatic of mine." Zarbon said.

"What do you mean by talk with her?" Appule asked.

"I need to convince her that sex with me isn't the answer and that it can be dangerous and lead to unwanted pregnancy and STDs." Zarbon said.

Zarbon was not the moral police, he just was overly cautious of women, because he knew that they damn well liked him for only his looks, and not his temperament. He didn't want to get attached to a woman, since he could be a stern career-oriented general.

Moments later, Zarbon was in his room dressed, and then there was a knock on the door. "Come in!" He said.

The same young woman from the gate walked into the room and shut the door behind her. She then sat down on the bed with him, "You wanted to see me?" he asked staring at her as if he wanted to get some, but then he put that thought out of his head, he was after all not impervious to having sexual thoughts now and then.

"Wait before you think about having sex with me, I need to tell you something first."

Zarbon smiled, "What that you wanted to do it over the covers?" he laughed, of course it was a joke, Zarbon wasn't the most funniest nor the most sleaziest person on the planet, in actuality he was kind of shy when it came to the opposite sex.

"Zarbon my name is Miretta, and I'm your half younger sister," she said.

Zarbon's eyes grew wide, boy he regretted thinking she was hot. "What? Nice try, where did you come up with one like that?"

She rolled her eyes, "My father's name is Morphiess, and he's the king of Planet Primal." She said.

Zarbon panicked, "What how would you know?" he asked.

"Father sent me here to rescue you, and he said don't come back without him!"

Zarbon then looked at the unfortunate girl, "You made a big mistake coming here my dear, I'm not moving in with that perverted father of ours!" Zarbon said crossing his arms.

"Look he's very sorry; please let me stay until you give in!" Miretta said.

"I'm telling you Miretta, I don't want to be near him, he hurt my mum," he said snorting.

"He only cheated on her and he cheated on my mum too, she left me with him, I haven't talked with her since. My you've grown handsome, compared to old photographs he has of you as a child. You look a little like father. He said that you inherited your green hair and turquoise skin from our grandmother." Miretta said.

"Yah I could have his good looks, and big bones!" he said mad.

"I've always wanted to meet you; he recently told me that I have an older half-brother that has a different mother." She said.

"Tell me more," Zarbon said.

"He was ten years older than your mother, Frieza may have loved her, but she didn't love him and she beat him up." Miretta said.

"You are quite a pretty thing, how old are you?" asked Zarbon.

"I'm fifteen." Miretta said.

Hours later they went to get a DNA test, and it was positive, she was in fact his half younger sister whom he never heard about, and shared the same father with her. They talked some more, "I remember when we used to go on vacations. Father owned a dance club for a little while and got even richer off it, and he owned a record company, but he can't sing." Miretta laughed.

"Oh this is wonderful! I have a sister! I've always wanted a brother or a sister! Come here you!" Zarbon then hugged her tightly. "Come on, I'll show you around!" he took her by the hand and they went out of his room.

They were holding hands in the hallway, "Just one minute there!" Frieza yelled at the top of his lungs.

"Hello Frieza," Zarbon said.

"Who's the girl, is she your girlfriend?" asked Frieza enraged.

"No even better she's my half-sister!" Zarbon said.

Frieza laughed, "Oh I can't see the resemblance." Frieza said looking at both of them.

"This is my adoptive father and master Frieza, he adopted me when my mother gave me to him, and I was only three. Frieza this is Miretta, can she stay please? Please? Please?" Zarbon asked.

Now sometimes while Frieza usually let Zarbon get away with what he wanted, he also said no other times too, so in this case he had this to say, "Oh I suppose so!" Frieza said.

"Thank you lord Frieza!" Zarbon said.

Hours later, Zarbon finished with the tour, "That completes the tour," he finished.

"Wow, you're actually the heir to the empire of Frieza, and a slave at the same time?" asked Miretta confused.

"Yes why aren't you our father's slave too?" asked Zarbon.

Miretta burst out laughing, "No absolutely not, he treats me well and doesn't order me around like a slave." Miretta said.

Just then, Cui and Appule came up to them, "Hey Zarbon, who's this?" Cui asked.

"This is my half younger sister Miretta, Miretta these are my two best friends Appule and Cui." Zarbon said.

"Nice to meet you too," She said.

"Hi," said Appule blushing a little bit at how beautiful she was.

"Let's go meet my adoptive grandfather and uncle!" Zarbon said they headed to the main throne room.

King Cold, Cooler and Salsa were already in the throne room, and then Zarbon and Miretta came into the throne room, "Guys this is my half younger sister Miretta, Miretta this is my adoptive grandfather King Cold, my adoptive uncle Cooler and my cousin Salsa." Zarbon said.

"Wow she's lovely!" Salsa said.

Cooler, was so taken with her beauty, that he got off his throne, walked over to her and grabbed her hand startling her a little bit, "Pleasure to meet you." He kissed her hand.

"Sure." Miretta said blushing at how handsome he was.

King Cold was a dimwit even though he ruled the planet, but Frieza was pretty much the ruler when it came right down to it, "Zarbon, she seems like a nice girl, so we're keeping her!" he yelled.

Miretta's eyes grew wide and she smiled awkwardly, "Thank you sir!"

Then it happened, Dodoria and Shasha, better known as Zarbon's trainer, an infamous rapist, and from planet Cyrillic came in, they were laughing about something unknown, then they stopped laughing as soon as they saw Zarbon's sister.

"Yah those two you might want to watch out for, they're really dangerous and brutal. They are also very dumb and not worth talking to, they just don't have the status we have. I'll do my best to protect you from them, but I'm more concerned about them hurting you." Zarbon said whispering into her ear.

She whispered into his ear, "They scare me all ready, especially that blue one who is our species." She was referring to Shasha, who had dark blue skin, thick lips, a hooked nose, thick blue eyebrows, piercing red eyes. If that was not intimating enough, then that scar on his face going across his eyebrow, his cheek and over his lips, is what did it.

"Who? Shasha? I can handle them, Dodoria is the pink demoniac looking alien, and you might want to watch out for Frieza too. Let's go to the bar shall we?" Zarbon said trying to stray far away from the subject as possible.

The two half siblings then started for the door, Miretta held onto Zarbon's arm tightly staring at the floor; she did not seem to notice that Shasha was staring at her when they walked out, who knows what that lustful fool was thinking?

"Who vas she?" Shasha asked in his deep, raspy Russian voice.

"That was Zarbon's younger half-sister Miretta." Salsa said.

Shasha smiled a little bit, "Miretta hum, beautiful name," he laughed a little and walked out of the throne room after them leaving Dodoria behind, which was so uncharacteristic of him, since he and Dodoria were the best of friends and did almost everything together.

At the bar, Zarbon and Miretta were talking while Zarbon was drinking a beer and Miretta was drinking a herbal drink. "I can't believe that happened to you," she said.

"Well yah," he took a sip of his beer.

All the sudden that stupid rapist Shasha came into the bar and walked over to Zarbon and Miretta, "Hello Zarbon." He said.

Zarbon was immediately suspicious, "What do you want Shasha?" he asked.

Shasha looked over at Miretta and smiled, "Oh dear vhere are my manners? I believe ve haven't been fully introduced, my name Shasha, so are you his girlfriend?" he asked.

"No I'm his younger half-sister, my name is Miretta!" she said shivering at the sound of his voice. Oh that voice, so masculine, so rough and that accent, almost as intimidating as his voice.

"You know Zarbon, your sister very pretty." Shasha said.

That is when Zarbon got pissed, "Leave her alone you hear me?" Zarbon said.

Shasha just ignored Zarbon and listened to the music playing, "Do you vant to dance?" he asked.

"No thank you, I can't dance," she said.

Shasha chuckled, "Oh your sister not only pretty but so sweet too. Come on sweetheart, don't you want to talk to me at all?" he asked, she just ignored him.

"Come on Zarbon can we go now?" she asked.

"Why don't you answer me vhen I'm talking to you sooka?" he asked angry with her, he pushed her down onto the floor and got on top of her.

"Shasha get off of her!" Zarbon yelled.

"I can't do that," he tried to touch her boob, but then she slapped him in the face. "Man bitch!" he then punched her in the face.

Zarbon got so mad that he picked Shasha up and threw him across the room, "Don't you dare touch my sister again!" he yelled and then took her by the hand and led her out of the bar.

Zarbon and Miretta walked into the room and Miretta sat down on Zarbon's bed, "Did he hurt you?" asked Zarbon.

She cried rather pathetically, "Yes he did!" she said.

"Oh you poor thing, you're bleeding. I'll get you some bandages." Zarbon said he went to get some bandages and he dressed her wound, "You know it's not your fault you were hit, and I've pretty much had it with Shasha. I'm so tired of him being brutal on the battlefield and not being able to keep his dick in his pants. Remember you don't have to do anything you don't want to, ok?" asked Zarbon.

"Why are you giving me the sex lecture? I get enough of that from dad!" she said.

Zarbon's eyes grew wide, "I have a mission to go on," he said.

"To kill people?" she asked.

He turned around and looked at her sadly, "Miretta, you have to remember that I'm not the best influence, but I'm a slave too and I have to follow Frieza's orders, only God knows what he'll do to me if I don't. " he said.

"Why don't you just run away?" she asked.

"Trust me I've tried it, at least twelve times, each time I was caught and whipped on the back, he said the next time I do, he'll track me down and kill me." Zarbon said.

"Some adoptive father you have, I would never allow anyone to treat me that cruelly!" she said.

"He doesn't like it when people betray him; I will admit that I hate killing people more than anything. I only do it because I need to keep my status and to live. It's a kill or be killed world I live in. Enough of this talk, I want you to meet a friend of mine," Zarbon said.

"A friend?" She asked.

"Of course, I'll go get her now." Zarbon said, and then he came back with Liya.

"I want you to meet my friend Liya, I've known her since we were kids," Zarbon said.

Liya shook her hand, "Nice to meet you Miretta, I've heard that you were here," Liya said.

"Charmed," Miretta said.

Zarbon looked seriously at Liya, "Don't let Shasha get to her ok?" with that Zarbon left.

"Ok, shall we go swimming or just relax in the hot tub?" asked Liya.

"Sure, but I didn't pack a suit, I didn't expect to stay," Miretta said.

"You can borrow one of mine," Liya said.

"Thank you so much!" Miretta said.

The next day, Zarbon was back from his mission, he was in his room smirking at his reflection in the mirror, half-naked, "Hello Gorgeous, I'm just so stuck on myself, but oh how I wish I wasn't. Oh well nobody else is around." Zarbon said aloud smiling and twirling in front of the mirror.

There was a knock on the door, "Who is it?" asked Zarbon.

"It's me Shasha, Frieza vant to see you!" he said nervously.

"Ok hold on," he opened the sliding door, but Shasha barged in like a madman.

"I vas fucking with you; Frieza doesn't vant to see you at all!" Shasha said.

"Well what do you want?" asked Zarbon.

He looked around, "I vas vondering where your beautiful little sister is!" he laughed sleazy.

"She's with Liya!" Zarbon said.

"I didn't say vith whom, I said vhere!" Shasha said.

"I'm not going to tell you!" Zarbon said.

"Fine I'll ask someone else!" he then got so pissed off that he grabbed Zarbon's vanity, threw it across the room, and went out of the quarters.

Zarbon looked a little shocked, "Oh well I needed a new mirror anyways! Good thing I got this small sized vanity!" he then took his small vanity out and looked at himself even more.

Shasha bumped into Salsa in the hallway, "Excuse me Salsa, I'm looking for Liya, have you seen her?" he asked.

"Why do you care you commie!" Salsa asked.

"You better answer me or else I will kick your ass hybrid!" he yelled.

"Ok fine don't get violent, she's in the spa area." He said.

"Oh thank you!" Shasha yelled.

In the spa area, Miretta and Liya were in the same hot tub soaking wet, "So why don't you just say you like Zarbon to his face, you're pretty," Miretta said.

"How very kind of you to say that, but alas he didn't even want to get back with me even after my husband and daughter were beheaded. Besides he only sees us as friends now," she said.

"Are all of Frieza's men charming and gentle like him?" Miretta asked.

"Not all of them, some act like wild animals, uh it sickens me! Zarbon doesn't do sleazy things to me or anyone else for that matter. So do you have a boyfriend?" asked Liya.

"I've had a few yes, but they only like me because they claim that I'm cute and have big boobs." Miretta looked a little sad.

"Yah I have the same problems, Zarbon seems to be the only one who dated me for my intelligence, and not just for my good looks. Although he did say that I have nice big boobs for a Carpathian," Liya then laughed and looked at Miretta who wasn't laughing, "What's the matter you look down in the dumps," she said.

"Oh when Zarbon was introducing me to everyone in the main throne room, I felt like I was home again, until this pink alien came in laughing along with a dark, blue, Cyrillic man. Later on, when Zarbon and I were at the bar that Cyrillic man came over trying to act all charming, but he's too terrifying to look at." Miretta said.

"Who Shasha? I don't like him either, he's not only intimidating, but he's very violent with women, you might want to stay out of his way, he will rape and kill you if he feels like it." Liya said.

"He has a scar on his cheek and he's so scary and tough looking, he then started flirting with me, and then he pushed me when I refused to talk to him. So I slapped him and he punched me back, then Zarbon beat him up and he took me away from the bar," Miretta said.

"You mean Shasha has already gotten violent with you?" Liya asked.

"Yes him, whatever his name is! So dangerous and sexy at the same time!" she said, she then covered her mouth.

Liya looked at her funny, "How old are you?" she asked Miretta a little worried.

"I'm fifteen," she said.

"Well he should watch what he's doing you know, he doesn't know how to act around women and neither does Dodoria. You have to stay away from those two, they are not only the best of friends, but they do horrible atrocious things on the battlefield to women and children even." Liya said.

"Shasha is such a strange person, but he looks so mean and so sexy at the same time!" she covered her mouth again.

"Don't worry Miretta if he tries to touch you again I'll handle it, it's no problem," Liya said.

Just then Shasha had to show up, he was in his swim shorts and his muscular body covered in scars everywhere on it, "Mind if I join you?" he asked.

He jumped into the hot tub, Liya was annoyed by his presence, "Shasha what are you doing here?" she asked.

"I just vanted to take dip is all, is that crime?" he asked sarcastically.

"There are twenty other hot tubs and heated pools you know! There is also a bar in the middle of one of the heated pools! You like it so well, so why don't you go there, I'm sure Dodoria is waiting for you," she said.

"I would have gone to bar, but I decided to chat instead." Shasha said.

"Look Shasha we were talking here, we were talking about our periods and about cute guys, not ugly guys like you and Dodoria, so go bug someone else ok?" Liya said.

"Liya go get us drinks ok? I pay you back later," he said putting his arms behind his head.

Liya then smiled, the thought of an alcoholic drink did not sound bad at all to her, "Ok, Miretta what do you want?" she asked.

"I'll have some earl grey tea," she said.

"What do you want Shasha?" asked Liya.

"Vodka," Shasha said.

Liya rolled her eyes, "Whatever." she then got out of the hot tub and went down to the pool bar.

"Hello Miretta," Shasha said.

She flushed with embarrassment, "Hello," she said.

"Sorry about what I did yesterday," he said.

"It's ok I guess," she looked away from him a little embarrassed and scared of that intimidating guy.

"What's matter? Are you homesick?" he asked.

"A little," she said.

"I get homesick sometimes too, I miss my home planet," he said.

"Where are you from?" she asked, even though she knew the answer, then again maybe not?

"Planet Cyrillic or what humans call Planet Russia 2," he said.

"So what are the girls like back on Planet Cyrillic?" she asked.

"Fuck them! They aren't sexy enough for me to put into a harem." Shasha said.

"Are you a primal changeling too?" she asked, making an attempt at making terrible small talk.

"Yes of course I am, and I'm so fond of it. Ve are some special species of universe and ve have for most part good temperament and loyalty to our vomen." He said.

"Right," she was so uncomfortable with this small talk that she looked down to the bar to see if Liya was there.

"Ever hear of using eye contact?" he asked as his light red eyes flashed and got darker in color.

"No, where's Liya, she should be back with those drinks by now!" Miretta said still looking for Liya.

"We're getting off subject," he moved closer to her, "Are you afraid of me?" he asked.

She eyed him all funny, "No not really, I think I should go," she said about to leave, but he blocked her way.

"I vill just say it, I know I'm not all that attractive, but oh well what can I do about it? At least I'm not vain like your brother, I'm modest person." He said.

She looked at his chest and arms; they also had scars, "Wow nice scars." She said.

He got caught off guard, and what was probably meant as an insult came off to him as a compliment, because he was so stupid and had a very primitive warrior like temperament. "You like? Frieza gave them to me, I'm so proud of them!" he said.

"Oh you poor thing," she said. Shasha then looked at her funny. Did this girl who was probably insulting him a second ago feel a little badly for him? If so, then this was probably the first time any female took pity on Shasha. Yes? No?

"Did you know that Miretta mean beautiful flower in Cyrillic Russian?" he asked, of course it did not really mean that, the stupid liar made that up as an excuse to hit on her.

"No really?" she asked.

"Yah really," he then went under water and came back up with hair all soaking wet, it almost looked hot and at the same time intimidating to Miretta, being a naïve girl that she was. He looked so hot with his long thick dark blue hair wet! It reminded Miretta of a model almost, but then she realized that this was the guy everyone was trying the best to warn her about.

"I honestly should go now," she said.

"Come on, I'm not so bad once you get to know me," he smiled and tried to stroke his hand on her check, then she went under water before he could, "Damn!" he said.

Miretta came back up, "I have to go!" she yelled.

Just then, finally Liya came back with everyone's drinks, "All right what did you do Shasha?" she asked annoyed.

"Nothing, ve vere just talking Liya!" he said.

Liya looked at Miretta. "Are you all right? Did that stupid oaf hurt you?" Liya asked.

"No he didn't hurt me or anything, I'm just not feeling well all the sudden!" she got out of the hot tub, got a towel, and left the spa area.

"Miretta your drink!" yelled Liya.

"Vhat did I do?" asked Shasha.

"You probably frightened the poor thing, yes she tells me she's scared of you because you're tough and mean- looking, but at the same time she is rather intrigued by you." She said.

"In what? Vhat are you implying?" Shasha asked raising his eyebrow.

"The poor thing is just a teenager who is somehow confused about you; she probably has never been around brutal, intimidating men in her life." Liya said.

"Look is there any vay that you can get me hooked up with her?" asked Shasha.

"No she already has a boyfriend!" Liya said.

"Vhat's his name?" asked Shasha.

"You think I'd tell you?" asked Liya.

"Well I must know," Shasha said.

"Ok she's single, but she is engaged to Prince Vegeta, the Prince of Sayains. She's not interested in you at all, here's your vodka!" she gave him his vodka, he snatched it from her and gulped the whole thing down.

"I'll make her interested in me somehow! I'll even marry her!" he said.

"Marriage? Are you crazy? You just met her, how do you even know she's the one?" Liya asked.

"I need woman to care for me, and cook for me and clean for me." Shasha said.

"Let it go Shasha, just let it go! Now pay me the money you promised me!" Liya said.

"Actually I consider that a free drink, thank you Liya." He said.

She was now more annoyed and mad than ever, "Oh you'll pay for this!" she yelled.

"You already have!" he laughed "In the mean time I go now!" he got out of the hot tub and dried himself off and left the area.

Later on that night, Shasha and Dodoria were sitting at the bar, around midnight drinking and talking about business about conquering planets and so forth. "So then I was on top of the Hipposud and then I banged his head against the rock and it cracked his brain easily!" Dodoria said laughing.

"Yah that's nothing new," Shasha looked a little depressed.

"What's wrong with you? You looked depressed, come on spit it out!" Dodoria said, after all Shasha was his best friend in the whole wide universe.

"Oh nothing," Shasha sighed.

"Are you talking about when Frieza whips us for disobeying orders, right?" asked Dodoria.

"Not even close." Shasha said.

"Well what is it then?" asked Dodoria impatiently.

"I think I'm well you know." Shasha said drinking vodka; he was getting somewhat tipsy.

"In too deep?" asked Dodoria.

Shasha had no idea what he fuck he was talking about, "No, love you dimwit!" he yelled.

"With whom, with Frieza? He does seem to have that effect on people." Dodoria stupidly said, because nobody in the right mind liked Frieza, only the more brutal solders like him and Shasha did.

"No you idiot! You know that pretty girl that ve saw yesterday vith Zarbon?" Shasha said annoyed.

"Oh you mean his sister, yah I bet Zarbon would really love that," Dodoria said cracking up.

"Well she, according to Liya said that she found me sexy, and then she said that she found me horrible to look at." Shasha said.

"I thought you cared nothing about the way you look. Why is this change in you?" Dodoria said.

"I don't, but so many girls and women laughed at me, because of that stupid scar that my mother gave to me, on my face! She scratched me hard Dodoria, pretty hard! Oh how she abused me!" Shasha said.

"Get to the point!" Dodoria said.

"Fine, Miretta noticed that I had scars all over my body, and vhen I tell her that Frieza put them there, she felt sorry for me! No girl has ever been nice to me!" Shasha said.

"That's because you're mean to them silly. Well my stupid ex-wives all divorced me because they claimed that I was too stupid and lazy. Oh and they did not like the fact that I gained weight either. Oh but I love to eat Shasha!" Dodoria said.

Shasha rolled his eyes, "Well this different, I want her to like me, Liya said she liked me, how do I get her to like me? I vant to marry her too." Shasha said.

Dodoria spit his drink out, "Are you crazy? Do you know what Frieza would do to you if you married anyone? We solders took a priest-like vow to not get married; if we did we would either be put in jail for life, or worse burned at the stake." Dodoria said.

"You are not coming to wedding!" Shasha said snorting.

"Fine it's your funeral, I hate weddings anyways, but your secret is safe with me." Dodoria said.

"But how do I get her to marry me?" Shasha asked.

"Well, have you ever considered one of those primal changeling rituals?" asked Dodoria getting drunker and drunker by the moment.

"Forget it, we don't use that ritual anymore, it's ancient as me!" Shasha said.

"Ok then tell her that you like her!" Dodoria said.

"She knows I like her!" Shasha said.

"Well then I can't help you there!" Dodoria then fell to the ground asleep on the floor, Shasha got up and looked at his friend sleeping.

"Of course you can't, you too dumb!" Shasha then stumbled out of the bar to his room.

Next morning, early in the morning, Miretta was in Zarbon's room asleep, and Zarbon came into the room, and looked at her sleeping, she looked like such an angel asleep like that, for once in his life, he could love another relative other than his mother, who died when he was three. "Good morning Zarbon!" she then got out of bed, but she was naked and Zarbon eyes grew wide.

"Oh my God, will you please cover yourself?" he then took his cape off and wrapped it around her naked body.

"Sorry," she said.

"Why aren't you with Liya?" asked Zarbon.

"We were minding our own business in the hot tub, then Shasha interrupted our girl talk and he was in swim shorts Zarbon, swim shorts! Well the point is that he came into our hot tub and he told Liya to get us some drinks and she did! Then he starts up a conversation with me, and then starts putting moves on me, then he got his hair wet, then Liya came back, then I just left, it was too awkward! I mean he's so ugly, yet so hot at the same time!" she covered her mouth up.

Zarbon looked at her funny, "Why are you naked?" asked Zarbon.

Miretta looked down to the ground, "I would have put your boxer shorts on, but I didn't know if you would let me. My cloths haven't been washed and I didn't pack enough for the day after." She said innocently.

"I'll get you a guard, you're staying here! I need to go on another mission then I think you need to leave this planet forever!" he said.

"But I like it here I don't want to go back home! I like being around you, I never thought I had a brother and now that I found you, I can't leave without you, I promised father!" she said.

"Sorry but you have to stay here until I get back." Zarbon said.

"I want to go with you on that mission!" she said.

"No it's too dangerous, you're not well trained enough to take on other species." Zarbon said.

"Is Shasha going too? Oh, I am so scared to death of them, his face and, and...his personality!" she said.

"That's why I'm assigning you one of my men to escort you any place you go. No, I do not believe that Shasha is going on a mission today. Yah he'll be here, don't worry only a few of Frieza's men are truly inherently dangerous, while the others are outstanding gentlemen and I'm one of them. I know very well whom to trust, I'll be right back." He said.

She grabbed onto his arm again, "No don't leave me here! I feel safer around you!" She begged.

Zarbon sighted then smiled, "Ok let's go see what Appule is up to today, in the meantime get some cloths on!"

Zarbon and Miretta were in the hallway again, and they came to Appule 's room, Zarbon knocked on the door, the door then slide open and Appule stepped out, "Hello Zarbon," he said smiling.

"Are you doing anything today?" he asked.

"Nothing, why?" Appule asked.

Zarbon looked at Miretta, "Well I'm leaving on a mission and I need you to take care of my sister ok? Escort her wherever she goes, if anyone tries to attack or hurt her, then tell them that I'll have their head on a platter you got it?" Zarbon said.

"Yes sir, she'll be fine." Appule said.

"Ok bye guys." Zarbon hugged Miretta tightly, kissed her on the check, and took off.

Appule then looked at Miretta, oh that pretty thing that happened to be a half-sister of Zarbon. "It's ok Miretta, I won't get intimate with you or put moves on you, you have my word on it!" Appule said.

She laughed, "Ok that's fine with me!"

"Let's go get something to eat, I'm starving!" Appule said.

"Ok sure!" and with that they went to the restaurant a couple of blocks down the hall.

End of Part 1


	2. Chapter 2

_Then She Came Along, part 2_

Appule and Miretta were in the restaurant in the north part of the palace, it was a nice place, not too savvy, "So do you like fish?" Appule asked looking at the menu.

"Yes I do, do they have a Man-a-War, you know jellyfish?" asked Miretta.

Appule's eyes grew wide, "No I don't think that they have that here," he said.

"So when did you and Zarbon become friends?" asked Miretta.

"Since the day I started working here, when he was five, or was is six? Frieza hired me to babysit Zarbon. Cui already knew his mom, and he was friends with her, yah and…."

Appule saw Frieza approaching, "Uh oh here comes trouble." He said.

Frieza came over to the table, "Hello Appule, what are you up to?" he asked with a grin on his face.

"We were just talking Frieza, Zarbon asked me to guard his sister, and he strongly felt like she needed a body guard." Appule said.

"Oh did he?" asked Frieza with a glare on his face.

"He said if anyone hurt or even touched her, then he's have their head on a platter." Appule said.

"I'm the only one who can say who lives and dies! Besides I have no interest in his slutty sister, and another thing, you're not taking Zarbon back to Planet Primal; he's mine you hear me, stay away from him!"

Frieza covered his mouth, "Did that just come out of my mouth, so silly me, I'll be going now." he then walked away angry.

"What a jerk, oh God my eyes are getting watery!" Miretta started crying.

"Oh God, she's just like her brother! Miretta don't cry, he insults me too and I never have liked him. I know that for one second that Zarbon doesn't like him either." Appule said.

"I'm sorry it's just that I have a weakness for crying, I'm pretty sensitive about my feelings being hurt." She said.

"I can tell." Appule said he then took a sip from his straw.

"Plus, Shasha has been harassing me and he hit me once, I don't know what his problem is. Now he's following me around all over the place!" Miretta said sighing.

Appule's eyes grew big, "He's pretty brutal I guess he doesn't take rejection very well. Sounds like he has a crush on you!" he laughed.

Appule then stopped, "But Shasha doesn't really like women anyways, he could just be messing with you, but that seems so unlike him to flirt with women." he took a sip of his pop drink again through that straw.

"I just don't get it; he's just so intimidating and so determined. Did I do something wrong to him?" Miretta asked.

Appule cracked a smile, "Hello, oh my darling Miretta, come to me! How long I waited for you to show me some affection! I give you kisses!" Appule joked in a bad Russian accent, he then laughed.

"That's not funny! Last night he came into the hot tub with Liya and I and he put moves on me! I ran out as soon as I could! I spent the rest of the night in Zarbon's room naked!" she yelled everyone around her looked at her, "Sorry did I say that out loud?" She asked.

Appule stared at her, taking another sip out of his straw. "I didn't need to know that," Appule said.

"God he's so mean, and so sexy at the same time, isn't it mating season for Primal Changelings?" asked Miretta.

"Uh I think that just applies to animals, then again I don't know much about Primal Changelings." Appule said looking worried.

"That raspy, deep voice uh and the Cyrillic accent, I always love men with foreign accents!" she said.

"Uh pardon me if I sound a bit confused but do you like him or something?" Appule asked.

"No of course not why do you say such a thing?" asked Miretta flushing.

"Yah he freaks me out too, you what else is freaky. Just between you and me, I was at the bar last night at midnight drinking whisky. I overheard a conversation between Shasha and Dodoria talking about you! Shasha sounded like he was madly in love with you! He said that no one was ever nice to him like you were. He also said he wanted to make you his wife so you could look after him." Appule said.

"Oh he did? Yes!" all the sudden Appule stared at her as if she was some kind of idiot, "I mean, what a creep, nope, don't like him at all!" she said crossing her arms and looking away.

Cui was outside the restaurant when all the sudden Shasha came up to him, "Pardon me Cui, but I'm looking for very lovely, beautiful young voman that goes by name Miretta! Have you seen her around?" he asked sounding desperate.

"I'm not supposed to tell you where she is, unless you give me twenty bucks." Cui said.

Shasha grabbed Cui by the neck and lifted him up, "You don't understand I vant her so badly!" Shasha said.

"Ok fine she's in the restraint with Appule!" Cui said hoping that Shasha would let go.

"До свидания!" Shasha shouted, and with that, he threw Cui to the side and went into the restraint.

He then spotted Appule and Miretta, and then started walking over to them, Appule caught sight of Shasha, "Oh shit, don't look behind you, but he's here." Appule said.

"Who?" Miretta asked.

"Your boyfriend!" Appule said.

Miretta turned and looked behind her, "Oh God what are we going to do?" she asked flushing.

"Act natural!" Appule said.

Shasha was right behind Miretta. "Oh so you say that Zarbon is a cool brother, how fantastic!" said Appule fake laughing.

"Hello Appule!" Shasha then walked behind him.

Appule screamed like a scared little girl, "Oh hello Shasha I didn't see you there!" he said looking up at him.

"Oh you sound like voman vhen you scream!" he then started laughing.

"Oh yah you sound like you have two frogs in your throat!" Appule said standing up looking up at Shasha.

"Vhy you little!" Shasha said frowning.

"Leave him alone!" Miretta yelled.

Shasha looked over at her and smiled, "Vow how spicy, looks like I got pretty helpless voman on menu!" he said.

"Hey leave her alone! You know you'll never have her! She doesn't like you!" Appule said.

"Says who?" asked Shasha.

"Says me, I'm her bodyguard and I'll protect her with my life, if you go near her or touch her, your head will end up on a platter!" Appule said yelling bravely at the 6'2 Shasha whereas Appule was only about 5'4.

"Says who?" Shasha asked again.

"Says Zarbon, oh yah he gave me a message to tell you what I just said!" Appule said gulping.

"Oh shut up!" Shasha punched Appule in the face.

"Hey that wasn't nice!" said Miretta.

"Appule I can't believe that Zarbon ever trusted you, you're not professional bodyguard! You're loser, I don't care vhat Zarbon said! His threats don't scare me, so get out of my vay already!" Shasha said.

Appule got up and held his fists up, "No, put them up! Come on you big sissy put them up!" he said.

Shasha cracked his knuckles, picked Appule up, and kissed him on the lips, "Nighty night!" he then threw him into the wall knocking him unconscious.

Shasha laughed and looked over at Miretta and smiled, "Hello Miretta, oh you look very beautiful! Oh, vhat's wrong? All I vant to do is marry you. So vill you marry me?" he asked.

"No I just met you! Zarbon told me to stay away from you!" she said backing up.

"Oh he did, did he? Vell he really doesn't know about me anyways!" he said.

"You better get out of here now or else I will scratch you!" she said.

He laughed, "Oh Miretta, I have no interest in really hurting you, but I may vell have to, what I'm trying to say is…. Oh wait I can't!" he said hiding his face behind his hands.

"What Shasha, what is it?" Miretta asked impatiently.

"I love you! I mean who vouldn't love you, I'm only fifty years old and you're fifteen, at least I think I'm fifty." He said confused forgetting how old he was, but one thing was for sure, he was at least a couple years younger than her father.

"You're so sick, you need help, and to think that I wanted to have sex with you!" she said. Everyone looked at her again, "Oh not again! Damn it!" she said.

"I don't need help, I need you! I'm very lonely, I want to be with you so badly!" he said.

"I don't even speak Russian!" she said.

"I'm very fluent in English, you don't need to learn Russian to be with me!" he said.

"Get away from me you pervert!" she said backing further away.

"I want you, I need you so baldy!" he said trying to gain some sympathy.

"No I hate you! You make me very uncomfortable! I'm engaged to marry the Prince of Sayains, and you are not a prince, you are just some old guy who probably doesn't wash behind his own ears." she yelled. He moved closer to her, "I don't like you anymore! I never really have liked you!" she hid under the table. "You scare me to death!" she said.

"Oh do I? I could do so much worst! "He said everyone was staring at them now, "Vhat the hell are you looking at?" Everyone ran out of the restaurant. "Good now vhere vere ve, oh yes!" He said.

Miretta ran out from under the table trying to get away, but Shasha grabbed her, "Let me go!" she yelled.

"I don't vant to! I've been thinking about you day and night!" he said kissing her neck.

"I haven't even been here that long!" she said.

"I don't care all I know is that I vant you!" he said.

All the sudden she started changing shape, she was not pretty any longer, she was bulky, or at least good-sized, she had claws and she appeared to be reptilian- like, she scratched Shasha in the face and hissed.

"Oh you want to bring out animal in me, then I vill!" he said, all the sudden he started changing shape he too looked reptilian like, ugly, and was bulkier and a little taller too, "If I can catch you I vin and you'll be mine!" his Russian accent sounded even more raspier and deeper to.

"Try to get me, bitch!" she yelled in her now raspy British accent. She then started running around the room and Shasha caught up to her and they started clawing at each other, when Shasha caught her spikes actually came out of her back and stabbed Shasha in the stomach, "Take that Shasha!" she yelled.

"Ouch you bitch! That hurt, but it von't do you any good!" he then threw her across the room and the wounds went away as soon as they appeared.

Zarbon ran into the restraint after hearing a bunch of commotion from across the hall, gone on the mission yet. He went over to Appule who was still unconscious, "Please wake up Appule!" he then slapped him in the face.

Appule woke up, "Zarbon is that you?" he asked.

"Yes it's me! What happened here? Where is Miretta?" asked Zarbon.

"Shasha followed us, I tried to stop him, but he got out of control! I'm so sorry, forgive me!" he said.

"It's okay you did your best! I'll take on Shasha now!" Zarbon walked over to him and Shasha turned around.

"It's you, you little vain ermine!" he said to Zarbon showing his fangs.

"Oh no you're both transformed, but never mind I have to fight you!" Zarbon tried to take on Shasha, but Shasha kicked him in the face and he went flying to the opposite side of the room.

"Zarbon!" yelled Miretta.

Zarbon got up, "You're going to get it now!" he ran over to Shasha, who again kicked him in the stomach.

"Zarbon you have to transform or else he's going to kill you!" yelled Appule.

"No I can't, not this time!" he ran towards Shasha again and then Shasha punched him in the face and started kicking him in the gut again.

"You von't win this one glamour puss! You're too much of pussy to look ugly! Prove that you more of pussy by losing fight to me!" Shasha was about to beat him up again.

"There is one flaw in your plan!" Zarbon said.

"Vhat's that?" asked Shasha.

"I'm a Primal Changeling too!" all the sudden Zarbon jumped into the air and transformed into that ugly creature, scales, claws and all.

Now it was a real fight, "Don't you ever call me a pussy you drunk commie!" he then started beating the crap out of the Shasha, pulled him by the hair and threw him across the room.

Shasha then got up and scratched Zarbon in the face, "Ops." Shasha said sarcastically smiling.

Zarbon put his hand on his face and could see that it had blood on it, "Oh no you didn't!" Zarbon then scratched him twice as much, there was much roaring, hissing and clawing that it was hard at times to see who was winning.

"Everything you taught me is right here!" Zarbon said in his now scratchy voice, he then hissed like a domestic cat and scratched Shasha some more and then grabbed him by the head and hit it again the floor a bunch of times, until the tile broke up.

Shasha was out cold, and Zarbon transformed back into his normal looking self and so did Miretta. "You're guilty of hurting my sister; the only thing I'm guilty of is trying to protect her! But there is one fact that has never been proven; I'm not a damn pussy!" Zarbon then spit on Shasha.

"Come on Miretta, Appule let's get out of here! " he grabbed Miretta by the wrist and ran out of the restraint with Appule following them.

Zarbon, Miretta and Appule were in front of Zarbon's door to his room, "Is everyone all right?" asked Zarbon.

"Yes I am, look I'm very sorry that I let him get to Miretta!" Appule said wiping some blood off his head.

"It's okay Appule I forgive you, now based on what just happened Appule you have to guard the door to my room, at least until we get Miretta packed for Planet Primal," Zarbon said.

"Yes sir!" Appule said saluting him.

"I'm not going back!" she said.

"Oh yes you are, Miretta you stay in my room, lock the door, don't let anyone in you understand me?" Zarbon said.

She sighed, "Yes brother dear." She said with a disappointed look on her face.

"I have another mission to go on, I can't protect Miretta at all times, Appule make sure that Shasha doesn't go into my room okay?" asked Zarbon.

"Ay ay mon Capitan!" Appule saluted him.

"Good now I have to go!" Zarbon then left.

Shasha was hiding behind a corner listening the whole time; he walked up to Appule, "So ve meet again Appule in most odd circumstances!" Shasha said.

"Oh no you again?" Appule asked.

"Listen, I just vant to apologize to Miretta for being so weird towards her, you see Dodoria told me about old mating ritual for Primal Changelings and I…." before Shasha could finish, Appule interrupted.

"I'm not falling for that one! I'm not that stupid, I can't let you in Shasha!" Appule said.

"Oh yes you can!" Shasha grabbed Appule and threw him into the wall and he walked through the sliding doors.

Miretta was asleep snoring loudly, Shasha just smiled at her and walked over to her and tapped her on the shoulder. She woke up only to find to her horror that Shasha was standing over her looking at her. "Oh my God it's you! Oh no I must be having a nightmare!" she said.

"Shut up! You're not dreaming it's really me!" he said.

"What do you want from me?" she asked.

"I'm so sorry for acting veird towards you, again. It vas mating ritual is all." He said.

"What?" asked Miretta.

"You know old mating ritual that two primal changelings that like each other get violent during mating. I thought I was going to mate vith you for sure, but I guess I vas vrong." He said.

"But we're more like humans then animals; your data is a little bit outdated I'm afraid." She said.

"You see the thing is that I have a sexual personality disorder which makes me act funny and violent towards women, especially since they've been mean to me when I was child. I get nervous when I'm around them, and my mother abused me, and I never knew my father." He said with sadness in his eyes.

I would not say Shasha had a sexual personality disorder at all in fact it was pure bullshit. He was just a brutal guy who had the tendency to act sly, especially towards the opposite sex, since women of his species were so gentle and easy to manipulate.

"Oh how awful," she said sadly.

"The worst part is that I really do love you, you're prettiest girl I've ever laid my eyes on you!" he said.

Again, one must call pure bullshit on this one, since nobody who beats you up when you don't do something their way is really love at all. Miretta was so naïve and dumb that she truly believed his lies and took pity on him even.

"Well I don't know what to say except that I am a little bit flattered." She said smiling.

"I want you to be mine and nobody else's." he said.

"I'll think about it." She said.

"Goody! Let me know your answer vhen you come to me!" he then got up.

"Whatever I guess," She said.

"Vhatever my Miretta." He looked as sadly as possible at her and left the room.

Appule ran into the room, "Miretta are you ok? Did he hurt you? Rape you? Did he act weird towards you again with that odd mating ritual bullshit?" Appule asked.

"None of that stuff, he opened up to me like I hoped he would." Miretta said smiling.

"You mean in a good way or bad way?" Appule asked.

"In a good way I suppose, well he apologized to me, how gentleman of him to, he told me that he was nervous around girls! I think I might be… oh never mind!" she said.

"Oh good, now let's get you packed," Appule said.

"I'm not going!" she said.

"You have to Zarbon said so!" Appule said.

"Well I think I'm in love with Shasha, he seems to like me a little more than I thought!" she said.

Appule's eyes widen and his mouth dropped, "What are you crazy? You don't know him like Zarbon and I do, he likes to hurt women, why do you want him?" Appule asked.

"I feel sorry for him, he actually didn't say anything about my breasts being so big and all!" she said.

"There are plenty of fish in the sea Miretta, why did you have to choose this one?" Appule asked.

"He is actually kind of cute you know, maybe fate brought us together you know. My father sent me here to rescue my brother, and I met him. My father says that things happen for a reason." Miretta said batting her eyes.

"Oh brother, I'm telling Zarbon on you! Oh shit I forgot about Zarbon!" Appule said.

"Tell him, see what I care! You can also tell my father that I refuse to now marry that arrogant and super cocky Prince Vegeta of Planet Vegeta! Shasha is more modest than him and my brother put together!" Miretta said.

"Ok fine I'll just do that, in the meantime start packing your bags!" Appule said about to walk away, all the sudden Miretta pushed Appule out of the way and ran to find Shasha.

"Miretta get back here! I must go get Zarbon, hopefully he hasn't left yet!" Appule said running down the hall.

Meanwhile Zarbon was at the space pod grounds about to get into a space pod when all the sudden Appule grabbed him and they both went to the ground, but Zarbon was on poor Appule squishing him.

Zarbon got up and so did Appule, "What is the meaning of this? Frieza will get mad at me if I fail to go on this mission!" Zarbon asked.

"It's about Miretta!" Appule yelled.

"What did Shasha hurt her?" Zarbon asked.

"More like brainwashed her!" Appule said.

Zarbon lifted an eyebrow, "In other words?"

"In other words there is no good way to put this, but I'll have to do my best to tell you, Miretta has somehow fallen in love with Shasha!" Appule said crushed.

"What? You're kidding right?" asked Zarbon enraged.

"No I'm not, she said it herself! She started talking about this fate crap, how we were meant to be together she says!" Appule said mocking Miretta.

"We better do something!" Zarbon said.

Shasha was at the bar drinking vodka, then Miretta showed up, "Shasha!" she said.

He turned around, surprised to see her, "Miretta? Vhat are you doing here? I did not think you vould come." he said.

"I've thought it over and I want to marry you, I am tired of my boring life on Planet Primal, and I refuse to marry that arrogant stuck on-himself Prince Vegeta! I've decided yes!" she said with enthusiasm.

"Ok good, let's get married right now!" he hugged her tightly.

Zarbon ran into the bar with Appule, "Stop! Miretta!" he said.

"Zarbon?" she said.

"You can't marry him!" Zarbon said.

"I'm old enough to make decisions on my own!" she said.

"You're crazy, you're blind you two just met!" then he sighed.

"Ok fine it's your funeral," this was the first time ever in life that Zarbon ever gave up on something, and he lived to regret it.

In a private ceremony, Shasha and Miretta were ready to get married, Zarbon and Appule were the only ones attending, "I can't believe that Miretta is making the dumbest mistake of her life, the best thing about mistakes are that you can make up for them. She won't be able to make up for this one!" Zarbon said.

"She looks so beautiful, look at her coming down the aisle!" Appule started crying, since his new friend was going to give herself to a psychotic and horrible man like Shasha.

"I feel so sorry for her!" he said.

"Yah so do I!" Zarbon was pissed as we can imagine.

The Priest looked at the book of marriage, "We are gathered here today to bring this man and woman together in holy matrimony! Anyone who says these two shouldn't be joined, speak now or forever hold your peace!" he priest paused, "Oh good I can continue," he turned the page, "So Shasha do you take this woman to be your wife?" asked the priest.

"Yes I do!" he said.

"Ok do you Miretta take this man to be your husband?" the priest asked.

Miretta was having second thoughts, once they were married her life would be so screwed up, she started crying at the thought of it, Shasha looked at her all pissed off, "Vell answer the man!" he then slapped her in the face, "Sorry she's nervous." He said.

"Yes I do!" she said.

"Now I pronounce you man and wife, you may kiss the bride," the priest said, Miretta was still crying.

"Well you heard the man!" Shasha then hit her again.

"Now that was uncalled for!" yelled Zarbon.

"It's all right Zarbon I'm just nervous!" she said.

Shasha then grabbed her and kissed her lips for a long time, and then the two walked away together.

Appule was crying so hard that he got out a hanky and blew his nose in it, "This is the worst wedding I've ever been to!" he said.

"Me too!" Zarbon said who was by now very pissed off.

A few weeks later, Miretta talked with Zarbon in his room, "So how is your marriage going with Shasha?" Zarbon asked a little concerned.

"Just fine, he's so protective of me, and when he's drunk he's just... well he's a little too protective." She rubbed her bruised arm, "Ouch!" she said.

"What happened to your arm?" asked Zarbon.

"I bumped into the wall when I was half asleep." She said smiling shyly.

Zarbon was already suspicious, "Whatever." He said.

That evening Shasha, Dodoria and Elderberry a wolf like creature were drinking and they were drunk and laughing. "Yah and Shasha that girlfriend of yours is pretty hot!" Elderberry said not knowing that they were actually married.

Shasha stopped laughing, got pissed off and grabbed Elderberry, "Vhat did you say?" he asked.

"Your girlfriend's pretty hot!" he laughed some more.

"You stupid bastard!" Shasha then threw him across the room and ran over to him and started beating him up.

Dodoria was confused, "Shasha what has gotten into you?" he asked.

"He's been looking at my girlfriend Dodoria!" Shasha yelled.

"Duh I think she's pretty cute too! In fact I've been sleeping with her!" Dodoria laughed.

"Vhat?" Shasha asked.

"I was just kidding let it go!" said Dodoria.

"I'll have your guts Dodoria!" he punched him and left.

Miretta was in Shasha's bathroom, she looked at her bruised arm, then Shasha came in and got into bed, "Shasha are you drunk again?" she asked.

"Shut up woman, does it look like I'm drunk? Did you sleep with Dodoria?" he asked.

"No why do you ask?" she said frightened.

"He said he was kidding, did you huh did you?" he asked again.

"I'm telling the truth!" she insisted.

Shasha got up and walked up to her, "No you're not you little bitch!" he then punched her in the left eye.

"I'm being honest with you!" she said.

"Get into bed and go to sleep!" He yelled, and Miretta got into bed and the two went to sleep.

Next morning Miretta carefully got out of bed and Shasha who was half-asleep grabbed her arm tightly, "Vhere do you think you're going bitch?" he asked.

"To the bathroom!" she yelled.

"Ok," He then went back to sleep. Miretta went into the bathroom looking at her new black eye in the mirror and she sighed.

End of Story


	3. Chapter 3

_An Unpleasant Secret part 1_

Everyone was sitting down at dinnertime in the dining room and Zarbon came into the room and sat down at the table, he did not really look elegant as usual, he was wearing a Ginyu Force tee shirt, had his hair down, and was not wearing armor or a cape as usual, he did not even wear his crown. Frieza stood up, "Zarbon you're late for dinner!"

Zarbon stroke his hand through his thick, long, silky hair and looked at Frieza," Sorry Frieza, I was just taking an afternoon nap. "

Frieza shook his head with disgust, "Why aren't you dressed elegantly, like royalty should be!"

Vegeta the little annoying Sayain prince that everyone including Frieza hated with a passion smirked and took a sip of red wine. "Yah Zarbon, aren't you afraid you'll look like a peasant?" He laughed along with Frieza.

Zarbon stared at the little brat with his yellowish gold eyes giving him the evil eye, "Aren't you afraid you're going to get the shit beat out of you?"

He was seconds from attacking Vegeta, but Frieza saw what he was about to do, "Leave him alone Zarbon, are you helping your sister out with her baby, again?"

Zarbon started to blush and tried to hide his hidden helpful nature, "No why do you say that?"

Frieza looked at Zarbon and thought him a liar, "Because you haven't bathed like you're supposed to or dressed elegantly either, we're royalty you're supposed to dress nicely!"

It's true that Zarbon had a reputation of dressing really elegantly and being a total glamour puss, but tonight he just wasn't with it, "Frieza, Shasha was on another mission and he doesn't even help her out!"

Now Shasha was Zarbon's incredibly evil brother-in-law, who once taught Zarbon martial arts, gymnastics, and the most important thing of all how to transform. Frieza had no idea that he was secretly married to Zarbon's younger sister, "As of why he decided to date your younger sister and have children with her, I'll never know. Say Vegeta didn't you used to like Miretta?"

Vegeta started to blush and it showed almost as much as Zarbon blushing, "Well that was a long time ago; I hate her guts now, such a slut for sleeping with Shasha!"

Zarbon felt enough guilt that he did not protect her from Shasha, but now he had a duty to protect her from Vegeta's insults, "You're just mad because she didn't have feelings for you! How can I blame her, she is only sixteen whereas you are just a child. "

Vegeta claimed onto the table, "Man Zarbon shut up or I'll…"

"That's enough you two or do I have to hit both of your heads together at the same time?" Frieza yelled.

All the sudden Liya, Zarbon's childhood friend, also adopted by Frieza after he had her mother murdered by Shasha, came into the room, she was not the prettiest, humanoid creature, but the way she carried herself was just sexy. She came into the room dressed up elegantly, " Hello everyone!"

Vegeta made googly eyes at her, what knockers she had too, "Wow I would do her in a minute that is if I had the time!" He burst out laughing.

Zarbon glared at him, after all he felt like it was his duty to protect his friend from horrible brats like Vegeta. "Don't talk about her that way, that's the most disrespectful thing I've ever heard anyone say!"

"I'm just saying it's true." Vegeta said as he took a whole pineapple, put the whole thing in his mouth, and swallowed it whole without chocking once.

Dodoria looked at his watch all the sudden, what was he up to? "Look at the time I got to get going!" He got up from the table and went out of the dining room.

"What's his problem?" Zarbon asked surprise.

"Maybe he went to redo a mission, he always screws it up!" Vegeta said laughing.

Frieza shrugged his shoulders, "I have no idea what has gotten into him, and he's been doing this for weeks now."

"I think I got to go too!" Zarbon said leaving the table.

"You already went to the bathroom!" Vegeta said laughing.

"Oh shut up!" Zarbon said as he walked out of the dining room.

Later on Zarbon was in his room, and he went into the shower and started showering, "God I need to shower, really baldy! Oh the water feels so good on my body!"

"Zarbon!" it was Frieza, somehow he gotten into the shower without Zarbon noticing.

"Oh my God, Frieza what are you doing in the shower with me?"

"It took you how long to notice I was here?" surely Zarbon wasn't that thick, he was the most observant person under Frieza, whereas most of Frieza's men were bigger idiots.

Zarbon smiled uncomfortably, "Oh this is really awkward."

Frieza frowned impatient, "Forget about the strange moment, I need your help!"

Zarbon's eyes grew wide, "Yah but couldn't you have asked me when I got out of the shower?"

Frieza then realized what he did was somewhat wrong, "Ok fine I'll get out."

He took Zarbon's towel that Zarbon planned to use. "But that's my towel."

When Zarbon got out of shower, he dried off with a different towel, and put his robe on and sat on the bed while Frieza was pacing back and forth. "So what's the problem lord Frieza?"

"Well there is something wrong with Dodoria, I've notice that he has woken up earlier than usual." Frieza said.

Zarbon grinned unnecessarily and thought about getting sarcastic with him, "And I thought I was an early riser."

"He's also cut his missions short." Frieza added on.

Zarbon could not believe his ears, was it true? "But he can't do that, I'm not even allowed to do that, and I hate these missions just as much as he does."

Frieza looked even more confused than Zarbon, "That's the whole problem; he won't even go on missions with Shasha."

More nonsense, "But they are the greatest friends in the world!" Zarbon said.

"I don't understand it either, we've checked him recently for mental illness, even mental retardation, and he passed for retardation!"

That Zarbon did believe, "I knew it!"

Frieza seemed annoyed with Zarbon's sarcasm, "Don't rub it in please! I want to know what is going on, nowadays each time dinner comes around he all the sudden says he has something important to do, like going on missions to conquer planets, in yet I keep checking to see if he punched in a card or not, and it turns out he didn't! "

Now this was almost untrue, or perhaps maybe Dodoria was sick, Zarbon could not believe it, "But he usually has an incredible appetite, he never tries to miss out on dinner! Do you think he's sick?"

Frieza looked like he was about cry, although it looked like they were no more than crocodile tears, "No, I don't."

"Oh dear, and why do I have anything to do with this?" Zarbon asked.

Then Frieza got a most horrible idea, a most horrible, awful idea, "I'm going to ask you to do something that I've never asked you to do before!"

Zarbon stood up, "Bring it on, I'm pretty sure I can handle it."

Frieza smiled and almost looked like he was about to laugh, "I want you to try to seduce Dodoria to get information out of him!"

Now this was just horrible and awful at the same time, "What? That has got to be the dumbest thing you've ever asked me to do!" Zarbon said.

Frieza now had a stern look on his face, "I am an ambitious man Zarbon, and I will do anything to get information anywhere."

"But I don't even like him and he's so…" Zarbon didn't finish his sentence, because Frieza interrupted him.

"Ugly?" Frieza asked. True enough Zarbon probably thought.

"Yes and not only that, but he's so…" Again Zarbon didn't finish his sentence, because Frieza interrupted him.

"Dodo brained?" that was also as true as Dodoria being physically ugly.

"I cannot for the life of me have an intelligent conversation with this guy, there's just no point." Zarbon said.

Frieza thought hard about this one. "I heard a rumor that you were bisexual is that right?" so it was true that Zarbon had some bisexual tendencies, but lately he liked females, it was as if his preferences changed every week.

"Yes but I am more interested in women really and…" before Zarbon could finish Frieza interrupted him.

"Perfect seduce him, I know you will." Frieza said.

"But Frieza….." Zarbon sighed.

Frieza clapped his hand together and interrupted again, "Make me proud Zarbon!"

With that, he left the room leaving poor Zarbon to sulk, for he was a sensitive soul. 'Bullocks, why me!"

Zarbon was dressed up elegantly as usual, and he was spying on Dodoria who was taking something out of his locker. Poor Zarbon was so confused, that damn Frieza, why did he have to be so damn cruel, why could he not just seduce Dodoria himself?

"Come on Zarbon don't be shy, you're not nearly as cocky as you make yourself out to be! I'm so shy, trying to seduce someone I don't even like, let alone find attractive! Well you have to make the best of it, it's Frieza's orders! Here goes nothing!" He said to himself.

He wetted his hair like a good sport and went over to Dodoria trying to make his energy seem all sexy and laidback, "Hello Dodoria what's going on?" he said smiling seductively.

Dodoria slammed his locker door and frowned at Zarbon a little bit surprised, "What do you want; you barely ever talk to me! Go away glamour puss, I have no interest with interacting with you!"

It's true that Dodoria had despised Zarbon ever since he came to live with Frieza, but Zarbon was just a little boy back then, and now he was this sexy bulky if suspicious creature. Zarbon tried to look innocent, "Is something wrong?"

Dodoria snorted and crossed his arms, "Yah you're blocking my sunlight now get lost or else I'll make you!"

"Come on Dodoria, you know I care about you?" Zarbon lied.

"What but you hate me and I hate you!" Dodoria said.

Zarbon then rolled his eyes and looked straight at Dodoria, "Funny how one could miss someone that you hate so much and yet miss them so much." What the hell was he talking about?

"What are you saying?" Dodoria could not believe it.

All the sudden Zarbon pretty much overdid it by rubbing his hand on Dodoria's spiny head, "You know I've always found you attractive right? You just missed a few signs, oh how I have been waiting for you to notice me." Zarbon then did what any good henchman trying to seduce his own ugly comrade would do; he went in for a kiss.

However, that did not go over well with Dodoria, "Get off of me you ugly toad!" He was so disgusted that he pushed Zarbon to the floor. Damn it backfired, almost a first, not counting the countless times where some other women and men were annoyed with Zarbon's flamboyancy. At least Zarbon wasn't hurt by this rejection.

"Fine be that way, no wonder nobody wants to be near you!" He got up and ran away, how embarrassing.

At the bar that night, Zarbon hung out with his two best friends in the world, the only two that understood him other than his cat and Liya, oh and himself. Zarbon was so annoyed that he pounded his head on the table while Cui and Appule were smoking. "I can't believe it; this is the first time I've tried to seduce someone without getting any information out of them!"

Appule had to tell Zarbon the total truth about seducing people, not that he was an expert, "I don't know it's kind of hard to seduce someone that you despise and who despises you in return, and you're the sweetest person I've ever been around, and the vainest too."

That did not help Zarbon's self-esteem or should we say vanity at all, "Thank you Appule, he said I was an ugly toad, but I would think that he would be referring to my other form though."

Cui then looked at Zarbon, "I heard that your species are incredibly vain, but never before have I heard that they could be self-conscious about their other form. Even your father used to boast about how horrible his other form is; he even called it good looking too." Cui was not much help; he used to be friends with Zarbon's father too, so he would know.

"Cui that is oldest stereotype about my species that I've ever heard, I mean I'm like everyone else I have weaknesses and faults!" Zarbon said.

Cui put his cigarette out and looked at Zarbon, "Look, what Frieza told you was the completely wrong way to go, if you want him to talk you have do something more effective. "

"Like what?" Zarbon sneered.

Cui smiled, "Get him good and drunk!" Great idea, but even that had its drawbacks.

"Oh boy, he's really mean when he's drunk and it scares me to death," said Zarbon shaking at the thought of Dodoria throwing stuff at him when he was a child, but luckily Dodoria's aim was horrible.

"It's not like you're the only one who doesn't enjoy taking orders from Frieza, we all have to do things we don't want to do, but I think that Cui has a point. " I guess Appule was right on this one.

"One problem, Dodoria doesn't trust me at all." said Zarbon.

"Just get some champagne and say it's a gift from Shasha because he was so worried about him." Appule said.

There was an idea, "That might actually work, Cui I think I love you!" Zarbon hugged Cui tightly so relieve that he didn't have to fake liking Dodoria again.

"Yah, uh, ok." Cui said.

Zarbon did not feel hurt, "I just need to go find the whitest champagne in the universe!"

The plan was set in motion, Zarbon got an outdated bottle of champagne from Cui's collection of wine, which he never bothered to drink, and went to Dodoria who was at his locker again, and Zarbon stood behind him with the bottle of champagne. "Hello again!"

Oh no not that glamorous pretty boy again, "Look I told you I think you're an ugly toad and I…"

Zarbon was usually a horrible liar, "Shasha wanted me to share a glass of wine with you, care to join me for a drink?"

Dodoria did not know what to think, although he and Shasha usually messed things up whenever they got drunk together, so maybe he could not refuse this one, "You didn't spike it did you?"

Zarbon lifted an eyebrow, "Does it look opened to you?"

"I don't know I have been going on a diet lately." It was hard to believe since Dodoria usually did not exercise a whole lot.

"Oh come on, it looks like you gained some more, so why bother with those stupid starve-yourself diets?" Zarbon asked.

Ok maybe he will trust him now, " I guess I could use a drink I mean I've been a nervous wreck lately!"

Finally, Zarbon succeeded, Zarbon kindly opened the bottle up and poured him a glass.

Hours later Dodoria got drunk and Zarbon sat there waiting for him to talk. "You know Zarbon I've always have envied you and Vegeta, you two are princes and are royalty that I would want to stay away from!" Oh now Dodoria finally admitted to have a problem with royalty and Zarbon.

Zarbon smiled his perky smile, "Well I can't help that now can I?"

"You could have any woman you want; I still think you're ugly though…" Dodoria said and belched.

Zarbon's eyes grew wide, "Hey lay off the insults will you? I'm very sensitive you know my zodiac sign proves it." Of course it was not mentioned in the Dragon ball Z series that Zarbon was into astrology, and was used as a soothsayer and loved to use sorcery every other occasion.

"And what is that?" asked Dodoria a total non-believer.

"I'm a Cancer, Cancers are supposed to be really sensitive and sulk a lot if someone hurts their feelings, I'm a really clingy person….." it's true, Zarbon was an awfully sensitive person, even though he didn't admit it, he was terrible at hiding it.

"I don't follow that occult bullshit like you, but as a Virgo I intend to be very picky and critical. I am also supposedly very helpful, I guess that has more to do with doing favors for Frieza and for Shasha, my best friend in the entire universe." Dodoria said.

"You're a Virgo?" asked Zarbon.

"Of course I am you didn't know that?" If Dodoria was in fact a Virgo he was not a very intelligent one.

Zarbon then lied, "I guess I believe it now."

Dodoria looked as if he was about to say something very important, "I do like this one girl that doesn't seem to notice me."

There was a special someone in Dodoria's life, that horrible demonic looking alien that yelled a lot when he was pissed, belched and farted at the table and scratched his crotch in public thinking nobody would notice.

Zarbon was more alert now, "What girl?"

Dodoria smiled, it was almost rare for him to smile, but that usually happened when he was with Shasha and gaining up on people, "She doesn't even care if I exist!" Dodoria said.

"Who is she?" asked Zarbon with enthusiasm like a little naive boy.

"She's such a good dancer, the way she dances, it's so amazing!" Dodoria was in love with a dancer, it was like Quasimodo being in love with Esmeralda that is if this gypsy was attractive.

"You're in love with a dancer, scandalous," Zarbon said smiling.

"Well she's a ballerina, I think, although I've seen her doing lyrical, but the way she dances up on en pointe, it makes me wonder why she even choose this career, I mean if you want to be a ballerina then you know you're going to fuck your feet up right?" A ballerina, surely he could do better than that.

"I suppose, I don't know anything about dancing sorry." said Zarbon.

"I mean the way Liya dances it makes me want to fuck her. For once, it makes me glad that Frieza forced her to take up dancing lessons. And her knockers, the nicest boobs I've ever seen in my life!"

Did he just say what Zarbon thought he said, or was he lying? However, he was drunk, usually when people get drunk they say what is on their mind and pretend to forget what happened when they were drunk, and claim that they didn't remember.

"She is a pretty good dancer isn't she?" Zarbon said.

Just then Zarbon's eyes grew wide, "Wait a minute are you saying that you have a thing for Liya?" Liya, Zarbon's lost secret love, even though never again they would not be more then friends.

"Well you won't believe this, but she has been going on many missions with me lately, and it makes me a little bit shy too."

"But you don't even like Liya; you used to pick on her because she was outspoken as a child. What's this I hear about you not wanting to go on missions with Shasha; you two have a great time terrorizing planets together."

Yes, it was true that Shasha and Dodoria caused ciaos together and it drove Zarbon and his more civilized friends insane.

"Shasha has a daughter and a wife now, all he talks about is how he hits Miretta if she doesn't do what he says, and it kind of leaves me out of the picture, so I asked Frieza to team me up with someone else, and he teamed me up with Liya."

No, it was not true! NO!

"You like Liya, uh thanks for the information I got to go!" Zarbon got up and left not wanting to cause a scene.

Later on Zarbon reported to Frieza, Frieza sat on his thrown digging his nails into the hand rests, "So did you seduce Dodoria like a good little slut?" how dare he call Zarbon a slut!

"Well not exactly, but I did find some information that might be more useful."

"Do tell" oh boy how to tell that galactic tyrant without getting into trouble.

"You know how Dodoria didn't want to do missions with Shasha anymore? Well he kind of feels left out now that Shasha has his attention focused on his girlfriend."

Frieza's eyes grew wide, "I had no idea that he was that sensitive, usually he's as stubborn as a mule and very cold-hearted. That's why I use him and Shasha to conquer planets, because they both know how to strike terror in the hearts of the captives and villagers of the planets."

"You know how you switched him with Liya to do those missions? Well he kind of has a dark secret which I hesitate to revel." Zarbon said.

Frieza could not take it anymore, he had to know, "Don't keep me waiting; I hate it when people don't spit things out."

Zarbon gulped, "Dodoria likes Liya!"

"Isn't she your love interest?" Frieza asked.

"We used to like each other like that, but not anymore, we're just friends now."

Every occasion Frieza would ask Zarbon's opinion, but if someone else told him differently he would have them executed.

"So what do you suggest we do?" asked Frieza.

"Could you possibly switch him back with Shasha so he doesn't skip missions or quit them ahead of time?"

Bad idea, Frieza shook his head, "But if I do that then maybe that'll make matters worse, I mean if he's upset with his friend, why let the two work together again? Why would he like Liya anyways?" It was hard to tell.

"I guess it's because she's such a good dancer." Zarbon said naively, poor thing, other than being picky about his appearance, he had an incredible narcissistic naivety nature about him.

Frieza started to snicker like a little kid, sometimes he was more of an evil little brat then a big bully dictator like emperor. "Or because she has such a huge set of knockers on her!"

Zarbon couldn't stand up for her this time, no Frieza would have him whipped on his back, which was his usual punishment if he pissed Frieza off enough, "So what do you want me to do about it?"

"For all I know you have some options to make, one you could go on the missions with him."

No way, not going to happen, "No I hate him!" said Zarbon crossing his arms.

"Two, tell Liya that he has a thing for her."

Ok sure maybe, but who knows how that would turn out. "I don't know if she'll take kindly to that."

Frieza thought for a while longer, "Or three last but not least, don't say anything at all and try to get them together and it'll be the biggest joke in the world! Ha!" He clapped his hands together.

No this was unbearable, "Or I can tell Liya."

Frieza thought of an even crueler idea that would bring Liya to almost pure suffering, "No get them to go out on a date! That would be even better!"

Zarbon had no interest in betraying his friend either way, "But sir…"

Frieza interrupted, "Don't disappoint me!"

Zarbon gave up; he could not win this one, "Yes sir."

End of part 1


	4. Chapter 4

An Unpleasant Secret part 2

At the dance studio, Liya was up on pointe, showing the other girls some moves, only how did she do it without feeling any pain on her toes? Who knows? She then said in her thick British sounding accent, "Now girls you need to look as graceful as you can!"

She then did an arabesque, the other girls did not even want to be there, they would have preferred a different teacher, not one as bossy and outspoken as Liya.

Zarbon barged into the room, "Liya I need to talk to you in private!"

Liya turned quickly and saw Zarbon, whom she didn't expect to see there at all, some of the girls were blushing and giggling, they probably were happy to see a least one man out of the whole day of ballet camp.

"Not now Zarbon! You are disturbing my class! Don't laugh at him!" she had a stern look on her face, and the girls immediately stopped laughing.

"No now!" Zarbon demanded.

Liya smiled a fake smile, "Excuse me ladies!" she walked out of the room into the hallway, "What is the deal Zarbon?"

"Uh I know this one guy who likes you a lot." Zarbon said sweating like crazy.

"If you wanted a date why didn't you say so?" asked Liya thinking there would be a chance with Zarbon.

" Oh I uh…." but before Zarbon could finish Liya all the sudden caught the girls looking through the window and giggling again, looking at Zarbon's butt which was covered by his armor, he worked out that was for damn sure.

Liya got mad and yelled at the girls, "Girls start stretching! We'll talk about it later, bye," She went back into the dance class, she completely misunderstood but tomorrow was another day, Zarbon had failed yet again, only this time due to Liya's assumption.

"Damn it!" he yelled.

Dodoria had a horrible hangover and he started throwing up in the trashcan, Shasha came over to him, that muscular guy that was the same species as Zarbon, only he grew up on a planet that spoke mostly Russian Cyrillic dialect.

As of why Zarbon's sister started out despising him and then ended up marring him, was more of a mystery to everyone that knew, perhaps to mate. Frieza most certainly did not know that, if he did he would have Shasha killed. Enough about Shasha let us get back to the story.

"Vhat are you doing? Did you have too much to drink?" asked Shasha.

Dodoria's eyes that were usually the color black now looked brown for some reason, it was that hangover, "Yes I did, and I didn't know you cared!"

Shasha smiled, he had a nice smile, but his scar went over his lip as well, "Vhat are you talking about? I'm still your friend; you're only person I like other than me."

"Thanks for the champagne." Dodoria blurted out.

Shasha was surprised to hear this, he usually gave Dodoria harder liquor, "I didn't give you champagne."

Then the dodo brain opened his huge mouth, "But Zarbon said that you gave me champagne and he gave me a drink and I got sick!" he coughed.

"I did nothing of sort!" Shasha said.

Zarbon came into the room, and froze with fear as he saw Shasha, he was so intimating to look at, he's thought that ever since he was a child, "Hello Dodoria….." Shasha stared at him and looked fearful enough, "Liya wants to go out on a date with you!" Zarbon said as bubbly as he could.

"All right!" Dodoria was so happy that he felt sick again, and threw up even more in the trashcan.

Zarbon looked disgusted, "I have to go or else I'm going to throw up!" You know, because throwing up created a chain reaction, when someone threw up, another person would do it.

He ran out of the room, Shasha squinted his eyes has if Zarbon had offended him, "You like Liya? God you so sick!" With that, he walked out of the room.

Later on Liya knocked on Zarbon's door, and he answered it, "So you wanted to see me?"

Zarbon was nervous, "Of course I did,"

Liya smiled; maybe deep down inside she had something for Zarbon," So where are we going for the date?"

Zarbon blushed, "We're not going on a date I'm setting you up on a blind date with someone else."

Liya went from smiling to disappointment, "Oh what a pity, so tell me is he handsome?" How does one just tell their ex-girlfriend that the man she will be going on a date with is horribly ugly?

"Well I'm not quite sure what to tell you, but he's really different I'll tell you that right now!" Zarbon said nervously.

She smiled a sad smile, "I better like this guy."

"Oh I'm not promising anything, but I think you'll have a wonderful time!" Zarbon smiled big, that is all he could do.

She thought, "All right I'll give this loser a chance."

"By the way I made you brownies! Here!" he gave her a small batch of brownies.

"My favorite thank you!" as she walked away she took a bit out of one, she always had a sweet tooth.

Later that night, Dodoria had a tuxedo on and looked in the mirror. "Oh my you look much better than usual." Zarbon said even though he thought Dodoria's tuxedo looked a little bit sloppy.

"I can't believe that Frieza forced you to give me a makeover." Dodoria said.

"You're not the only one who's mad about this. By the way, master Frieza wanted me to give you this to drink!" he gave him a drink.

"What is it?" Dodoria asked.

"Trust me just drink it, it's not toxic." Zarbon said.

Then Dodoria decided to trust him again, even after he lied to him about the wine," All right, but if I grow a tail it's your fault glamour puss! " he drunk the whole thing, there was an awkward silence. "So what's supposed to happen?

Zarbon looked surprised, "Uh I'm not sure, oh boy this isn't going to go well. Let's get going that restraint isn't going to come to us." They went to the car and they drove downtown.

At the restraint, Dodoria was sitting waiting for Liya to come, he started to get pissed off, and perhaps she stood him up. "Where the hell is she?" he got onto the walkie talkie, " Zarbon, come in Zarbon! Where the hell are you?" Zarbon meanwhile was chilling in the restroom in front of the mirror looking at his thick hair and picking at it, "Zarbon, where are you!"

Then Zarbon realized that Dodoria was talking to him through the walkie talkie, "Oh sorry, yes I'm here."

"Where is she?"

"I don't know I'm in the men's restroom." Zarbon said.

Then a man walked up to Zarbon, "Excuse me sir, could you please put soap on my hands?" It is hard to believe that someone could mistake someone as elegant as Zarbon as a bathroom attendant.

"Hold on Dodoria, sir I don't work here."

"I'll give you five dollars."

Oh, what the hell, "Deal!"

Back in the big dining room Liya showed up, "Excuse me, but I'm looking for my date." Dodoria once again talked into the radio, it was not that he had never been on a date; it is just that it's been forever since his last date.

"Zarbon, she's here do I do?" Dodoria asked.

"Go up to her!" Zarbon said as he was putting soap on the person's hands.

Another man came up to Zarbon mistaking him for a bathroom attendant again, "Can you dry my hands?"

"I don't work here!" Zarbon said.

"Please?" The guy asked.

Zarbon then thought about it for a little while, "How much?"

"Twelve dollars." The guy said.

"All right then."Zarbon said.

Dodoria had a look on his face as if he did not know what was going on. "All right, here it goes!" He walked shyly up to her, "Hello Liya."

All the sudden she looked at Dodoria, and for some strange reason he looked like a handsome man in place of his ugly self, and skinner too, a handsome man with no hair and with spikes on his head. "Wow do I know you?"

Perhaps she was playing coy with him," What? We work together remember?" he said bewildered.

She laughed, "God you're so funny! I have never seen you before in my life! God you're more handsome then I thought!"

Dodoria got nervous, "Will you excuse me?" he walked over to a plant in the corner and got out his walkie talkie, "Zarbon she thinks I'm someone else, Zarbon where are you?"

Zarbon had some other problems to worry about, "No I don't work here damn it!"

"Zarbon what the hell are you doing?" Dodoria asked.

Zarbon finally got on the walkie talkie again, "Yes Dodoria I'm here."

"Is this some kind of joke?" he asked confused.

"No people actually think I work here, I'm not even dressed like I work here!" said Zarbon.

Dodoria turned the most crimson as he had ever turned in his life, he was mad, "No, not that you glamour puss, did you give me some kind of poison that made me look more attractive?"

"Yes I did."

Dodoria said, "Zarbon why did you do that, I thought that she wanted to go on a date with me!"

Oh, how to tell Dodoria the truth, it would hurt, but so what, "I haven't been completely honest with you! She doesn't know it's you because I did make a potion that makes you more attractive to the one you like."

Dodoria was angry, "Oh Zarbon you durok!"

Zarbon became very confused, "I'm sorry what's a durok?"

Dodoria finally realized that he said the wrong word, "Sorry I must have picked it up from Shasha, he calls his wife an idiot all the time."

Zarbon sighed, "Right. Just keep on deceiving her, until the potion wears off."

Dodoria was mad, "I don't want it to wear off!"

Another man came up to Zarbon thinking the same thing, "Hold on Dodoria, no sir I don't work here!"

"Zarbon you're worthless! Oh, ok Dodoria you can do this!" he went back over to Liya, "Hi my name is uh…."

She interrupted him, "Tell me your name at the table!" She had been in a hurry to sit down; some small talk would not have hurt her.

"Ok sure." They went to the table and they both sat down.

Liya looked annoyed, "I notice that you didn't even pull a chair out for me."

Ops, someone did not learn this or maybe it was because Dodoria did not give a shit, he was excessively selfish, "Oh was I supposed to?"

She fluttered her eyes, "So tell me your name."

Oh no a name, he did not have a fake name, "My name is hold on a second!" He got up and went over to the corner again and gets on the walkie talkie, "Zarbon come in!"

"Yes what is it now?" Zarbon asked impatiently.

"What's my name?" Dodoria asked.

"I thought it was Dodor….."

"No you glamour puss, my fake name! " that should have originally been a rhetorical question.

"Oh dear, uh... I shall call you Maxim the third!" Zarbon said randomly making up a name.

"What that's a retarded name!" yelled Dodoria full of rage.

"Take it or leave it!"

"Fine!" Dodoria went back to the table, "Sorry about that, my name is Maxim the third."

She looked at him, "Really? Are you related to the famous millionaire Maxim the first?"

He then smiled, "Yes I'm his grandson."

Liya somehow knew in her womanly instinct that Dodoria was lying to her. "Hum I don't believe he had any children."

"I say we order some food!" said Dodoria all excited.

Meanwhile in the bathroom, someone walked up to Zarbon, "Excuse me, but I need someone to put the hand dryer on."

Now Zarbon was starting to get annoyed, people asked him all sorts of questions that all night, "Why are you asking me?"

"Because you work here don't you?" what a question!

"No I happen to work for the evil galactic tyrant Frieza!" he said as if he was about to rip the guy to shreds.

The man stared at Zarbon, "So are you going to turn the hand dryer on for me, I have 100 dollars."

Zarbon's eyes grew wide, "Ok fine." He turned the hand dryer on.

Dodoria was eating a whole smorgasbord, while Liya was watching in terror as he was eating with his mouth open and he was belching, he could not help but notice her staring at him, "What are you looking at?"

She cracked a fake smile, "Sorry you just remind me of this one guy I work with, are you two cousins?" she asked.

"What's his name?" he asked.

She frowned, "Dodoria."

He spit his food out on her face, "What is he like?"

She frowned, took a hanky and wiped her face, "Oh he's just so horrible! He used to pick on Zarbon and I and he used to mock me each time I spoke my mind. He also eats with his mouth open like a barbarian, and he farts and belches at the table, and all Frieza does is laugh his butt off while Zarbon and I are just so disgusted."

Dodoria let out a loud fart, "That's so disgusting," she said.

He smiled, "So do you think he's good looking?"

Liya looked at him with rage, "No!"

He then sighed, "I didn't think so." There was an awkward silence.

"Right love, are you going to pay for all of this?" she asked as she was putting lipstick on.

Dodoria's eyes grew wide and turned a brownish color again, "Hell no I don't have any money."

She was horrified, "All right then. I guess I'll just pay for it myself. "

"No I'll be right back!" He ran straight to the restroom to find poor Zarbon scrubbing someone's hand. Zarbon then thought, "God this is so embarrassing."

Dodoria shoved two other men waiting to get whatever they wanted Zarbon to do, "Get out of the way man!" He took the guy who Zarbon was working with and he threw him into one of those stalls. "Zarbon do you have any money?"

Zarbon took all the money he earned from the people he helped in the restroom, "Here you go!" he gave the money to Dodoria.

"Great!" He ran out of the restroom.

"I can't believe how lazy people are on this planet; I have to work for a living." Zarbon said in disbelief.

Someone else came up to Zarbon, "Hey can you change the toilet paper?"

That was the last straw, "No!" he walked out of the restroom.

Next day Dodoria knocked on the Zarbon's door, "Just a minute!" he opened the door, "So how did your date go?"

"She asked me out on another date! I have to appear attractive to her, again!"

Zarbon looked at Dodoria impatient, "Right." then she came, Liya that graceful creature, she walked up to Zarbon.

"Hello Zarbon!" she gave an angry scowl to Dodoria, "Will you get out of here dodo brain!"

He snorted, "Yes lady!" he ran away fast.

"You know that's the fastest that I've seen Dodoria run." Liya said.

"What can I say; he's just getting ready for that mission." Zarbon laughed, "So how was your date last night?"

She looked at him all crossed, "It was all right, I'm going to give him another chance, but I don't think he really cares for me, I mean he eats like a pig and it's just disgusting! A princess shouldn't be drawn to that at all."

"What do you want me to do about it?" asked Zarbon.

"Tell Maxim that I want to see him again."

What was with the mixed signals? "Who knows maybe he's closer than you think." Zarbon said smiling.

"He sure is good looking though, I'm thinking about asking him as a dinner date." Bad idea.

"All right then it's a done deal, I'll tell him right away." Zarbon said.

"All right then see you tonight at dinner." She walked away like the graceful looking swan she was.

"Right to the potion!" He ran back into his room, "Blacky I have to find some of those mushroom hallucinates and rose dust, so that she doesn't suspect a thing." Zarbon said.

He looked into an old spell book, " Let's see now, how much of the rose dust do I put in again, I never have been good at math, being handsome is the only thing I'm good at!"

He chuckled and started pouring the rose dust; it was powerful stuff, "Just kidding!"

All the sudden Blacky Zarbon's black Devon Rex cat stared at him and used his telepathic powers on Zarbon for the first time talking in a British accent, " Zarbon what are you doing!"

"AHHHH!" He was so spooked that he accidently dropped the bottle into the cauldron, "Oh shit! I wonder who that was trying to talk to me, God I have a migraine I think." Zarbon said putting his hand in his forehead.

All the sudden Blacky tried to communicate with him again, "Why must you help him, he's just trying to take advantage of you!"

The voice inside his mind spooked Zarbon once again, "All right who are you! You won't have your way with me!" Zarbon said.

"Zarbon it's me your cat Blacky." Zarbon looked down at the simple cat and it meowed.

"Blacky you talk?" he asked innocently.

"No you narcissistic pretty boy, I can communicate with you telepathically, I'm not just any ordinary cat, I'm a familiar spirit who was born into a body of a black Devon Rex. Your mother sent my spirit to be reborn into this body to guide you throughout your life, at least until my physical body dies." Blacky said.

"Relax you haven't used any of your lives up yet! " he laughed trying to calm himself down because he was still in shock.

Blacky glared at Zarbon, "Enough of the lame puns don't give Dodoria that potion it's asking for trouble, you're betraying your friend to this moron who doesn't have any respect for you at all."

"But Frieza said he wanted to see them together, I don't have a choice Blacky." Zarbon said.

"You could have just bribed Liya I'm sure she would have been willing to please Frieza even though she despises him." Blacky thought.

This was a horrible time to ask Blacky so many questions, his timing could not have been any worse, "Never mind I have no time to listen to you, I have to make this potion." He ran over to the microwave.

Blacky rolled his eyes, "Oh Serena, look at your son, he hasn't learned a thing! Oh well!" he then started licking his paw.

At night, everyone was at the table, including Zarbon, "So are Dodoria and Liya together?" Frieza asked.

"Oh they're together all right." Zarbon smiled a fake smile. How was this going to work when someone could say to Liya that she was delusional?

"This is going to be so good!" Frieza said all excited.

Dodoria walked into the room with Liya, "Oh Liya I never knew how special you were!"

"Oh Maxim you have such a sexy name!" Yes, she was still delusional; everyone looked at them in shock even Frieza had a surprised look on his face.

Vegeta whispered to Shasha, "What is up with Dodo brain and Liya? Since when were they attracted to each other?"

Shasha shrugged his shoulders, " I tried to ask that myself."

Frieza looked over at Zarbon, "Maxim? Zarbon I need to talk to you for a moment, now! "He got out of his seat and Zarbon followed him out of the dining room. After they were outside the dining room, Frieza looked at Zarbon confused, "What is up with Liya calling him Maxim?"

"Beats me!" Zarbon said pretending not to know anything.

Frieza glared at Zarbon with his red eyes, " Zarbon, tell me what is going on!"

Zarbon grew terrified, "Uh well I gave Dodoria some rose dust with mushrooms and he swallowed them and it blocked Liya's judgment thinking he's handsome?"

Frieza now frowned, "Zarbon you put a curse on him didn't you?"

Zarbon was nervous, "Hey how can it be a curse when he's the one who's having fun!"

Frieza continued to glare at Zarbon, "Zarbon, you know those mushrooms and rose dust make people hallucinate! So tell me something, how come Dodoria isn't the one who's hallucinating?"

It was time to come clean, "I never gave him the damn potion."

"What?" Frieza asked all shocked.

" I pretended to so he can be a little more confident, but what he doesn't know is that I made some brownies that I gave to Liya and I convinced her to eat them!" it's hard to believe he had finally come clean.

Frieza was still puzzled, "What? So let me get this straight, you gave the mushrooms and rose dust to Liya and it wasn't Dodoria like the audience and the other characters of this episode thought?" The twist probably did not surprise anyone reading the story.

"Yes."

Frieza starting tisked, "You sure are convoluted! I like you!" They walked back to the dining room.

Back in the dining room, they began eating. "So Maxim, have you ever hear that song "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds?" asked Liya.

Dodoria didn't listen to earth music, so he made up a lie and made it up quick, "Oh yah I like that song!" and then said impatiently, "What the hell kind of song title is that?"

Liya started laughing, "It's so funny Maxim and I have the same favorite song!"

Shasha smiled and decided to be sarcastic, "And vhat your favorite song?" Liya and Dodoria ignored Shasha.

"Was it something by the Beatles or not?" asked Liya testing Dodoria.

"No?" Dodoria guessed.

Liya rolled her eyes, "Not very bright are you? Nonetheless, I cannot wait to sleep with you! "She yelled aloud.

"Me either! I can't wait to tell my friends all about it!" Everyone at the table looked at them funny.

Vegeta got grossed out, "Get a room you two!"

"Yah Dodor….." Shasha did not finish, Zarbon stepped on his foot. "Ouch! Кто делал этот?"

Vegeta needed some reason to insult Dodoria, "Yah dodo brain what kind of a name is Dodor…." Zarbon covered Vegeta's mouth.

"Well look at the time it's about your bed time!" Zarbon said.

"But it's only 7:00." Frieza said.

"All the more reason to get a good night's rest!" Zarbon took Vegeta out of the room.

"This one strange night," Shasha said.

Frieza then beckoned Shasha with this finger, "Come here Shasha." He whispered into his ear, and Shasha smiled and laughed.

"So Maxim do you speak Russian?" Shasha asked smiling sarcastically.

Of course Dodoria didn't, "Oh Shasha you know I don't."

Liya glared at Dodoria, "Do you two know each other?"

Shasha decided to play along, "Yes ve vere classmates." He laughed and Frieza laughed too.

Appule did not know what to think, "What's going on?"

Shasha leaned over to Appule, "I'll tell you vhat's going on." He whispered into Appule's ear, Appule smiled and then he whispered to Cui.

"So I see, you need to tell me a joke like that again." Cui said.

Liya looked at Cui with wide eyes, "Oh what kind of joke is that?"

"Oh you wouldn't think it's very funny." Cui said quickly saving his own skin.

"Never mind if it's not my type of joke then I don't want to hear it." Liya said.

Zarbon returned to the dining room, "Well that took care of that."

Frieza looked at Zarbon, "Where's Vegeta?"

"Oh he's somewhere where he won't be such a pest."

Meanwhile, Vegeta had his cape tied to a coat hanger and he was hanging from it, "You'll pay for this zippy!"

Back in the dining room, Liya and Dodoria started making out and everyone was watching with horror. "Ew I'm going to be sick." Appule got up, held his mouth, and ran out of the dining room.

"Yah I agree this is so sick, I have to go!" Cui got up and left too.

"Me too!" Shasha got up and left.

It was awkward and quiet other than Dodoria and Liya making out with one another, Zarbon then stood up, "I need to feed Blacky!" and left.

Frieza was the only one left, he tapped his fingers onto the table then decided, "Yah I think it's best if we cancel dinner! This is just too horrible to watch!" he ran out of there as fast as he could.

"I say we have sex!" yelled Dodoria.

"I agree let's go!" Liya and Dodoria went to her room.

Dodoria and Liya were about to have sex in her bed, "Yes, you will give it to me good Maxim! Don't ever leave me! "

He looked confused and unsure, "I'll try not to!"

She plugged her nose up, "Although you need a bath really badly, you smell like the sewers of London.

"You haven't even been to England." He said.

"No I haven't I don't give a flying fuck if I've been." She said.

They snickered and all the sudden Dodoria appeared ugly to her like his old self, the rose dust and mushrooms wore off.

"What the hell? EWWWW!" She screamed and ran out of the room with her bed sheet covering her.

Dodoria forgot to cover up and went out of the room butt naked, "Liya come back! Oh well fuck her!"

Zarbon ran up too Dodoria, "What happened?"

"She found out."

Zarbon shrugged his shoulders, "What can I say you win some you lose some."

Then Dodoria said aloud randomly, "Say what ever happened to Vegeta?"

Vegeta was still on that coat rack pissed of like crazy, Zarbon forgotten all about him. All the sudden Shasha came up to him, "Get me down from here!"

Shasha smiled, "So you vant down do you? Hey, guys I found piñata! "

Cui and Appule showed up, "Come on Appule, this Sayain isn't going to bat itself!" Cui said taking out a baseball bat.

"I'll stuff him with candy!" Appule held up some candy.

Vegeta got scared, "NOOOOO!"

Appule looked at Cui, "What can't he take a joke?"

End of Story


	5. Chapter 5

_Psychologic Warfare_

One day Frieza called in Zarbon, Dodoria and Shasha to tell them something important, "Now I called all of you here today because I have something important to tell you. I need someone, one of you, to lead our new recruits on a planet that is very dangerous and full of surprises." Frieza said.

"That's great, I can do it!" Dodoria said.

"There is a catch though, these soldiers are deathly afraid of this upcoming conquering of this planet. This planet has a reputation of absorbing living things into its ground and consuming the corpses it absorbs." Frieza said.

"But that's impossible, are you saying that this planet itself is carnivorous?" Zarbon asked.

"That is correct, and usually during the day time the inhabitances take safety in their caves." Frieza said.

"This seem like ve need more than one person for this job." Shasha said.

"Only if I say so. This mission is complicated, so let's make this a little more interesting shall we? Your jobs are the make the soldiers trust you enough for them to feel less afraid of helping me conquer this planet." Frieza said.

"Don't you usually kill people who are afraid to do what you say?" Dodoria asked.

"Yes I do, but I need these soldiers really badly this time, so I'm willing to overlook this, since this planet is actually more dangerous than the previous ones we have conquered, I would probably but not really be afraid to go there myself." Frieza said.

"But none of us care if they are afraid or not, in fact if most of them die, then they die." Shasha said.

"No Shasha you aren't getting the point, your heart is in this right place, but I need foot soldiers that are fearless and not afraid to take on a carnivorous planet. The good news is that none of you will be escorting them to this planet, you will only be in charge of telling them what to do." Frieza said.

So the "contest" was on. Dodoria was first to pitch his fearless approach to the planet, "Ok here is the deal; you have scouters that you need to know how to use." Dodoria said.

"But we're afraid of being consumed by the planet. There is a rumor going around that at night it swallows up anything that walks on it." A soldier said.

"Look idiot, if you die, then you die simple as that. People die all the time, and I don't give a shit if you die or not. Now I am going to have to teach you how to use a scouter ok?" Dodoria said.

He couldn't quite figure out how to turn it on, it was one of those newer versions that were just invented by Cui, it was like one of those that picked up on body heat and it was confusing to use because Dodoria could not read most of the words on the screen, nor could he tell the difference between the heat and power level indicators.

"What's wrong?" one of the soldiers asked.

"Will you shut up? I am going to teach you how to use one of these, as soon as I figure out how to use this." Dodoria said.

"You don't know how to read a scouter?" one of the soldiers asked.

"No it's not that, it's a newer model that's why." Dodoria said.

Shasha was next, "Ok now to tell you like it is, yes this planet carnivorous, no you should not be afraid. In fact, best way to get over this fear, is go and rape some women of planet!" Shasha said.

"But what if we die having sex with them?" a soldier asked.

"Who fuck cares? As long as you got some, that's all that matter right? There is not anything more great than getting it one vith scared female." Shasha said.

"I thought we were trying to help take a planet over, not have ourselves a good time." Another soldier said.

"Ve need to make it fun, that's how anyone in right mind gets through this mission." Shasha said.

Then it was Zarbon's turn, after he threw his cigarette out he walked into the room and looked around. He took a small pocket mirror out and fixed his hair while looking into the mirror, everyone was just astonished by how narcissistic this guy was. Then he started talking, but not quite what they were expecting.

"Hello I am a five star general and I have made calculations concerning the conquering of this planet. I have studied it from afar and close up and yes it's dangerous let's be honest here." Zarbon said as he put his pocket mirror away.

"Shasha said not for us to be afraid, he said that having forced sex with a female would make us less afraid." A solder said.

"Oh really? Did Shasha also tell you that some of these women probably have very many venereal diseases and God knows what else?" Zarbon asked.

Some of the solders shrugged their shoulders, "Look, I have admired many females from afar, but alas being a womanizer and a rapist is a terrible idea. Sex is meant to be fun, and you should have it on your own time, we are going on a mission to conquer this planet for its soil to use in our laboratories and study."

"Do you have any advice on how to get a woman into your pants?" one soldier asked.

"I am not the right person to ask, but try to stick closer to your own species instead of sticking yourself inside of something that isn't close to your species." Zarbon said.

Of course Zarbon was no womanizer, nor was he a sex expert, but he was smart enough not to go near women, Frieza had threatened to cut his testicles off if that were to happen. So he was not a dumbass, although it was hypocritical that Shasha and Dodoria got to have sex with harem women in Frieza and Cooler's harem and Zarbon wasn't. Oh well.

"Let me ask you something else, do you also want to spread your seamen in a species that could easily look at you as a potential mate and end up eating you just as quickly as the planet itself?" Zarbon asked.

Everyone in the room was in shock; he was smarter than Dodoria and more cautious than Shasha! He wasn't just some dumb jock who was so vain, that his vanity made up all of who he was.

"Now I shall go over the plans with you, that is, if you choose me for a leader to lead this mission, understand?" Zarbon asked.

So the "contest" was over, and Frieza summoned Zarbon, Shasha and Dodoria.

"Ok I have counted up the votes and have listened to the complaints as well. Shasha, you seemed more interested in sex than in completing a dangerous mission. Dodoria you couldn't even read our new scouter model and it made the troops feel less safe with you." Frieza said.

"Whereas with you Zarbon as vain as you are, you did promise that you would go over the plans with them and promised to help them complete this mission more efficiently. I therefore choose you to lead this mission." Frieza said.

"Me? Really?" Zarbon asked.

"Yes really, you seem to know more about this planet than Dodoria or Shasha and you actually took the time to research it to see if there were certain areas that might be safer and more efficient to put our ground troops on. It was so obviously looking me in the face, I don't even know why I spent time considering these two blockheads," Frieza said.

"I'm a general though; it's my job to research planets, research potential assets to us, and to see if an entire species can be spared due to high volume of potential." Zarbon said.

Dodoria and Shasha were furious, why the hell did Frieza even ask them to participate in this obviously rigged contest? Frieza did have the tendency to humiliate his men and could be capable of childish cruelty, even to his more loyal men. Dodoria and Shasha being the most violent of his men, adored Frieza, they did not fear him like his more intelligent men.

They wanted to be like him, they looked up to him and loved how iron fisted and unreasonable he could be. It wouldn't have mattered if Frieza set up Dodoria and Shasha to fail they would have gone to hell and back for him, whereas Zarbon would have only gone to hell and back for him out of fear for his own life. It just wasn't fair damn it!

That night at the bar, Shasha had a good amount of vodka and Dodoria smoked a cigarette.

"Oh look at me I'm mister perfect," Dodoria said.

"I don't get it, vhat makes Zarbon think he so much smarter than both of us, ve're capable of leading a team of men, on dangerous planet." Shasha said.

"Apparently it wasn't enough for Frieza to trust us this time, sometimes he doesn't trust us to do certain things, especially since, well we're not the brightest people on the planet." Dodoria said.

"Vhat is vrong vith being stupid? Hum? Vhat make Zarbon think he so much better than us! He so vain that I cannot stand it! Who hell vould hate their other form so much as he does, it make no sense to me." Shasha said.

"Good point, I mean you have to realize that Zarbon was raised to be proper and all that, but not us," Dodoria said.

Shasha then had an idea of how to get back at Zarbon, "I got idea, ve get back at Zarbon somehow."

"What? What if Frieza doesn't like this? He'll fire us for sure." Dodoria said as though there were tears in his eyes.

"No ve get back at him using, psychological varfaire." Shasha said.

"I'm sorry, but I don't think we are smart enough for that stuff." Dodoria said.

"Ve just need to take notes and see vhat make him tick besides his other form." Shasha said.

"One problem Shasha, I don't write or read," Dodoria said.

"You mean to tell me that you have read scouter and cannot read vriting?" Shasha asked.

"You can write in Cyrillic Russian can't you?" Dodoria asked.

"Yes vhy?" Shasha asked.

"Because you are the one that knows how to read and write, I cannot do it." Dodoria said.

Meanwhile the mission of that carnivorous planet was successful, although yes a lot of men died. After gathering up the resources that were needed, the planet was destroyed by Frieza.

Of course there was a party and of course Zarbon was hailed as the conquering hero, which just annoyed the hell out of Dodoria, Shasha and the Sayains. Frieza seemed to emphasis this so much that it was almost like he was playing a game of some kind. Who knows what that ruthless tyrant was up too, with his mind tricks?

Zarbon was smiling like he was all happy that the mission succeeded, so if he was upset, which we will never know since he was a super hard guy to read and only let his guard down once in a while, he hid it well.

"Congrats on your mission Zarbon, it must have been difficult; a lot of the soldiers I treated had some of their skin melted off, because they touched the ground in the wrong place." Appule said.

"I'm just glad it's over with, this is one of the most gruesome missions I have ever been in charge of." Zarbon said drinking a glass of strong wine.

"You're a hero that's for sure, if it weren't for you than those soldiers wouldn't have gone out and risked their lives for you. They were really afraid to die after hearing all those rumors, to the point where even Frieza couldn't convince them." Cui said.

Appule scratched his head, "This puzzles me, if I had to go and battle against my will, then I would have listened to Frieza. Frieza dislikes fear…"

"That's because Frieza knew that many of them weren't coming back, he figured that no matter how chicken they were, that he would be satisfied either way if they died, because they were afraid." Cui said.

"What really made me happy is that they got to use a more advanced scouter to read not just energy levels but heat levels as well, well done Cui. It made them much more efficient in their search for materials for us to use." Zarbon said.

"Oh Zarbon," it was Liya, Zarbon's psycho ex!

"Yes Liya? What did you think and hear about this mission?" Zarbon asked.

"I hear that you were a hero," Liya said batting her eyes before skipping off to the snack table.

"God what a floozy!" Cui said drinking the wine.

This conversation was too far for Dodoria and Shasha to pick up on, but it got under their skins non-the-less, especially since they equally hated the intelligent Cui and the soft-hearted, yet also intelligent Appule.

"Look at those three, who they think they are?" Shasha asked.

"I don't want to know," Dodoria said.

"Enjoying the party?" Frieza asked smiling as if amused by how annoyed both Shasha and Dodoria were.

"Oh it's not so bad, the food is really good." Dodoria said.

"I figured so, I'm so glad I didn't put either of you in charge of the mission, just allow Zarbon to bask in his glory, he deserves so." Frieza said still smiling at them.

Of course Frieza was amused, why else was he smiling? He fed on people's fear and jealousies; the only problem is that Dodoria and Shasha were not willing to take it out on Frieza. Instead they wanted to take it out on poor Zarbon. Zarbon was the one that got chosen to lead this mission, not them, so its Zarbon's fault they figured.

Zarbon was an easy target for people's rage and it didn't help that he was so vain and wouldn't talk with the less intelligent more ruthless soldiers. Then again, the less intelligent soldiers didn't want to talk with Zarbon either, so it was a two-way issue.

Never-the-less they continued to plot their revenge on Zarbon, cause they were so jealous that he was being recognized for being smarter, cunning and more calculating than them. It took a good few weeks to figure out what the hell made Zarbon tick. He was a very private and quiet person when off the battlefield.

So Shasha and Dodoria did some in depth research on what made Zarbon tick and found some interesting things on him. Shasha took notes and what Dodoria came up with, he told Shasha so Shasha could write them down. One incident was that they found a few books that Zarbon apparently borrowed while at the library.

They looked at them when Zarbon was using the bathroom and somehow didn't think to take them with him; they were library books for crying out loud, not his. Shasha and Dodoria studied the books and looked in them and tried to look for pictures. So they walked up to the librarian and asked him questions.

"Excuse me, ve cannot read any of these, vhat do the titles say?" Shasha asked.

The librarian looked at the books and had this to say, "One of them is titled, "How to care properly for your cat", "Tales of Chivalry and the Crusades: From the Muslim and Christian Side" "Fairy Tales from Earth," "Fairy Tales and their Gruesome Origins," and the last one, "How to persuade people to listen to you.""

"Well that is start," Shasha said making notes on his pad of paper.

Next they both planned on spying on Zarbon, but where the hell did Zarbon go in his spare time besides the library? Did he go to the harem, no wait, that is where Shasha and Dodoria went and they never saw him there. What about the torture chamber? No, he was far too busy with military matters to get involved with torturing people.

There had to be a place he went to where the evidence against him was damning! Then when they were about to give this revenge thing up, it happened. They were outside talking and then they heard some talking, they hid behind the tree and saw Zarbon next to a tree. Zarbon appeared to be feeding nuts to squirrels!

"No you cannot have more than your fair amount," Zarbon said to one of the squirrels.

The squirrel gave him the sad puppy face, "Well all right here you go, you are so lucky I stole these nuts from the kitchen just so you could have them," Zarbon said as a squirrel grabbed a nut from Zarbon's hands.

"I cannot believe it, he like animals! What the hell?" Shasha said getting furious.

"Calm down, I'm sure we can find more damning evidence than that." Dodoria said.

"Oh look I'm Zarbon I am so perfect and I sleep in curlers." Shasha said.

Both of them laughed at this stupid joke so loud that Zarbon overheard them and walked up to them, "Isn't it a lovely day? What are you two up to?" Zarbon asked.

Of course it was natural of Zarbon to be suspicious of these two idiots; they caused so much trouble and had nothing nice to say about him.

"We uhh, were getting some fresh air," Dodoria said.

Dodoria farted and Zarbon sighed, "Excuse me gentlemen, I have some more animals to feed," Zarbon said walking away.

"That was a close one," Dodoria said.

"Ewwww Dodoria, your farts smell terrible," Shasha said.

"So do yours," Dodoria said.

"Vhat are ve going to do? How do we prove to Frieza that Zarbon steal nuts from kitchen?" Shasha asked.

"Oh those nuts he steals are probably so old anyways, but there is our damning evidence right there!" Dodoria said.

Shasha raised a thick eyebrow of his, "I thought you said…"

"Forget what I said earlier about looking for more damning evidence, there isn't anything that pisses Frieza off more than animals." Dodoria said.

So Dodoria and Shasha told Frieza, who was probably not as furious as they thought he would be, although he did have a terrible plan for Zarbon.

Zarbon was once again feeding the squirrels and they ran up the tree as soon as Frieza came. "Frieza what is going on?" Zarbon asked.

"I was told that you steal nuts from the kitchen to feed these wretched animals, is that true?" Frieza asked.

"But Frieza those nuts you use go to waste, a lot of people don't end up eating them," Zarbon said.

Frieza ended up having that tree torn down, it broke Zarbon's heart to see this happen, it was a beauty of nature and Zarbon had this to say, "But there were squirrels that lived in that tree. There was also a chipmunk family and a tree frog lived under the tree. How are they going to survive?"

"They will just have to find a new home now won't they, consider yourself warned." Frieza said walking away laughing.

Zarbon was in cafeteria eating salmon stake, Appule and Cui went to the table and sat next to him, "Are you ok?" Appule asked.

"No I'm not. Frieza tore a tree down all because I feed the squirrels that lived in the tree leftover nuts that nobody wants to eat." Zarbon said.

"They are just animals Zarbon, besides you shouldn't be feeding wild animals nuts anyways, they could have rabies and end up biting you." Cui said.

"Just animals? Have a heart Cui, he's clearly upset," Appule said.

"I never told anyone that I actually took those extra nuts to give to the squirrels," Zarbon said.

"How did Frieza find out if you didn't say anything?" Appule asked.

"Wait a minute! Dodoria and Shasha were there!" Zarbon said.

"So what?" Cui said.

"They might have overheard me talking to the squirrels about how I stole these nuts from the kitchen," Zarbon said.

"Oh now you are talking to squirrels, what have those squirrels ever done for me? Nothing that's what!" Cui said.

"Those slim balls!" Zarbon said about to get up and maybe confront them.

"Sit down, let's be calm and figure something out to get back at those two." Appule said.

"To tell the truth, I have seen them around you lately and they did not look happy that we were soaking in the vastness of your heroism," Cui said.

"What do you mean? Are you telling me that they are jealous of me? This is so funny," Zarbon said smiling.

"It's because they are jealous that they wanted to get revenge on you, you think it's funny they wanted to get revenge on you for leading that mission?" Appule asked.

"Come to think of it, no, those poor creatures didn't deserve to lose their home." Zarbon said.

"Ok fine, let's get vengeance for those creatures in the tree ok?" Appule said.

"Oh for Christ sakes, they are just stupid animals!" Cui said.

"Those animals are my friends!" Zarbon said.

"I'm your friend, what am I a piece of garbage?" Cui asked.

"It's one thing for them to take it out on me, but to take it out on innocent animals, that's just so low." Zarbon said.

"What did you expect for them to do? Did you think that for one second that they care about nature like we do?" Appule asked.

Zarbon plotted his revenge on these two numbskulls, what was their biggest weakness? Never mind their biggest weakness; he needed to call on some higher powers.

Zarbon was walking back and forth outside and had this to yell, while Appule and Cui sat in the background watching him, "Now troops, your home has been destroyed and we must get revenge on the ones that told Frieza that I stole the nuts from the kitchen!" Zarbon said.

As it turned out, there were a bunch of squirrels, chipmunks and a few frogs sitting in a line staring up at Zarbon.

"I think he's gone bonkers, he must be having one of his mood swings," Cui said.

"Oh its more complicated than that, he's turning to sorcery so that he can use the animals to attack Shasha and Dodoria." Appule said.

"I don't even know why I bothered asking," Cui said.

"I say we get those bastards and teach them a lesson!" Zarbon said as he held up an amulet of some kind, which was supposed to control these animals.

Again we must say this, even though Zarbon was terrified of Frieza, he did not think to take it out on Frieza or else he might pay the price. Instead, he turned his rage on Shasha and Dodoria, even though it was Frieza that ordered that tree cut down.

So that night at the bar Shasha and Dodoria were laughing and smoking and drinking, and then Zarbon and friends came in, "What the hell is Zarbon doing here?" Dodoria asked.

"I want to show you something," Zarbon said holding up an amulet.

"So vhat? You think that ve care about necklace?" Shasha asked.

"Just wait until I put it on," Zarbon said putting it on.

"Come and get them!" Zarbon yelled holding the amulet and then all the sudden a huge number of squirrels, chipmunks and frogs ran into the room and attacked Dodoria and Shasha.

"Did I forget to mention that I have messed with sorcery since I was a teenager? Why do you think Frieza uses me as a soothsayer and a spy? Get them my little friends! Teach them a harsh lesson!" Zarbon said smiling and laughing like a manic.

"Boy this is getting ugly, sometimes that Zarbon can be nice as pie, but if you piss him off enough, he will really make you pay." Appule said.

"This sorcery is very serious business, I'm so glad I don't mess with this crap," Cui said.

Shasha and Dodoria were put into the hospital to get stiches and getting a rabies vaccine even though Shasha was so anti-vaccine and none of them ended up with rabies. It took at least six nurses to hold Shasha down for a vaccination while he was yelling stuff like, "No it poisonous, don't poison me you bitches!"

Frieza visited them both in the hospital, "What happened to you two?" he asked.

"Zarbon!" They both yelled.

Frieza laughed and then said, "Is this still about me choosing Zarbon to lead that mission? Well I suggest you get the hell over it!"

"You don't understand, he's into dark magic!" Dodoria said.

"Oh I know that!" Frieza said.

"I thought magic vas illegal on our planet?" Shasha said.

"Oh there are exceptions," Frieza said.

"He commanded those animals to attack us somehow using that amulet he wore around his neck!" Dodoria said.

"I don't vant to go near him now," Shasha said.

"What can I say? He has the tendency to go a little mad if one pisses him off enough, other than that, he has pretty thick skin." Frieza said smiling.

"That's not fair though, it's not fair that he got to be leader of dangerous mission!" Shasha said.

"Yes because unlike you two, he actually maps out those locations, and spies on the leaders of the planet using a crystal ball. Primal Changelings are sorcerers; it's not uncommon in your species at all Shasha." Frieza.

"But I come from planet vhere ve atheists." Shasha said.

"The point is that he's more important to have around, because I need his intelligence, his cunning, and yes his sorcery. He's so much more than a pretty face, he's special and maybe next time you should watch your back around him." Frieza said.

"All this time I thought he vas just stern military man, boy did I underestimate him," Shasha said shaking his head with disappointment.

"By the way, you have another visitor," Frieza said smiling as he was leaving.

Zarbon came into the room, "Hello there," he said.

"Oh shit it's him! Get away from me sorcerer, your strange sorcery is not welcome in my presence!" Dodoria said.

"Oh I'm not here to boast about my powers, I'm more here to tell you not to fuck with me ever again! Stay away from my animal friends!" Zarbon yelled.

"Yup, he having one of his famous mood swings, he crazy," Shasha said.

"They are animals, who the fuck cares if they die, they probably wouldn't care if you died or not you hippie," Dodoria said.

"Look fat-ass, these animals have done nothing to deserve your cruelty! They are simple beings who live and eat to live, they don't know what true vengeance is, and they can be trusted better than some of you higher thinking lifeforms." Zarbon said pulling a chair and sitting down in it.

"They're still animals," Dodoria said.

"They are the only thing in this miserable place that brings me happiness. I like how simple they are and how live their lives." Zarbon said.

"Look Zarbon, ve had no idea you vere into sorcery ok?" Shasha said.

"Perhaps you should think before you piss me off again, good day gentlemen." Zarbon said getting up out of the chair and leaving.

Of course Shasha and Dodoria didn't learn their lesson, they still hated Zarbon, but now they had a more legitimate reason to do so, cause that guy was prone to strange mood swings every once in a while. Add on the fact that he practiced sorcery; it just made them angrier. How dare Frieza made Zarbon an exception to the rule that sorcery was forbidden!


	6. Chapter 6

The Alpha and the Beta Part 1

Shasha was all snug as a bug in a rug sleeping next to his wife, who he illegally married without Frieza's permission and did it against the law.

Shasha was having a dream, more like a set of flashbacks really. It started out simple enough, he was back in grade school, in a poor village on Planet Cyrillic, a planet that was cold and harsh weather, where some of Zarbon's species moved to, formed a separate ethnic group called the Primal Changeling Cyrillicans.

He was in a classroom ignoring the teacher teaching the class and instead focusing on a bunch of pretty girls in the seats next to his. Later that day his mother was called to school to have a meeting with the teacher. The teacher had this to say in the Cyrillic language, which was technically Russian, but more of a dialect of Russian really.

 _"Miss Michlev, Shasha doesn't have a bright future ahead of him I'm afraid."_ The teacher told her.

 _"My Shasha is a bright young man, who else can I possibly depend on to help me farm the potatoes we grow?"_ Shasha's mom asked.

The teacher sighed, _"You don't understand, when we took a quiz this afternoon, these were his answers."_

The teacher then showed Miss Michlev the quiz Shasha took. It had what appeared to be boob drawings on it!

 _"Oh my God! Certainly my Shasha would never do this! He's too bright and sweet to do such a thing!"_ Miss Michlev yelled.

 _"Yes your Shasha did this, in fact he's done this on other tests that were supposed to be taken by him! I will show you as proof"_ The teacher said.

This wasn't the first time a parent ever denied wrong behavior from the student, the teacher was there, only he knew what happened. The parents would always just assume their kids was special angels, when in reality, a good number of them caused trouble, Shasha being the worse offender. The teacher just thought to roll his eyes at this.

So after this meeting they went home, mother and son got into argument and mother ended up extending her claws and scratched Shasha in the face.

 _"My Shasha would never do this! You should be ashamed of yourself, if your father wasn't estranged from you he would be pissed off!"_ She yelled.

Shasha took his hand off his face, his face was bleeding and a huge scratch was left on his face, a lot of his flesh was torn off so deeply it left a huge scar on the right side of his face. Usually Primal Changelings healed well, but this never did, for some reason, maybe it's because it had been scratched by his mother so much that it never healed.

The scar went from above the eyebrow, into the eyebrow, over his lip and under his lip. It wasn't a straight line either it was poorly and thickly clawed on.

Shortly after this incident, Shasha and his mother moved to another side of the planet and Shasha went to a new school, let's be honest here this was at least the fifth school he had been too within the same year!

After school he went out into the woods not far from the school and he spotted a lone wolf, wolves didn't frighten Shasha, after all the Primal Changeling Cyrillicans were the dominate species of this planet. That didn't mean that every once in a while a child was attacked and possibly eaten by wolves.

He was clearly old enough to defend himself, so he decided that it would be a great idea to throw some good sized rocks at the wolf to take his frustrations out on. As he was about to throw a rock at the wolf a group of pretty girls passed by on their way home. They looked at Shasha and started to giggled.

 _"Oh look its scarface!"_ Galinshka shouted.

 _"I wondered why it hasn't healed up; usually we don't scar so easily as a species."_ Marinsheka said.

 _"He's special, in a bad way of course!"_ Irina said.

Shasha got mad, ran over to Irina and pushed her to the ground; he got down onto the ground on top of her, while the other girls watched in terror.

 _"Don't fuck with me bitch!"_ Shasha said raising the rock up.

Shasha then started beating Irina with the rock to the point where she had multiple wounds on the face and it nearly broke her nose. She was helpless and screaming and the other girls tried to get Shasha off of her, but Shasha was too strong.

Before he could finish possibly beating her to death one of the teachers spotted the incident and picked Shasha up off of Irina.

 _"I am calling your mother!"_ the teacher said.

So Shasha and his mother got into another argument, _"My Shasha would never beat or hit a girl, especially with a rock!"_ His mother yelled.

" _It was a rock? So what?"_ Shasha asked without pity, he had run out of pity years ago.

" _Rocks kill people Shasha, in the old days, people used to throw rocks at people who broke the law, and killed them. It used to be one of the most popular forms of execution on Planet Cyrillic."_ Shasha's mom said.

 _"What? I did something wrong, and you scared me on the face for it, so why I can't I just attack someone who has wronged me?"_ Shasha said.

 _"Shasha, women Primal Changelings are smaller than the males on average, they usually don't go above 5'7 feet, whereas the majority of men grow to be over 6'0 feet tall. When you grow big and strong, you cannot just continue to beat Primal Changeling females up. They are also weaker than you are, men are stronger than them and they are the weaker of the sexes, you never hit a female."_ Shasha's mother said.

 _"But she said I was special in a bad way, this stupid scar you gave to me has never healed properly mother! So of course females need to be punished and put in their place!"_ Shasha said rather callously.

 _"Perhaps I am a little cruel to you, but for good reason!"_ Shasha's mother said. She then extended her claws and scratched him in the same exact place she did last time.

Shasha was still asleep when the door opened up; it was Lida, his eldest daughter. He had two daughters with Miretta, he was not happy about it, he was so unhappy that they were girls. He hoped for a son one day, who knows maybe if the timing was right he could teach this fictional son how to beat up on his sisters.

"Mum, I had a nightmare; can I get in bed with you two?" Lida asked.

"Sure," Miretta said half asleep.

As soon as Shasha heard this he got up and stared at Lida, _"Lida how many times do I have to tell you, this bed is for me and your mama! I have sex with her in this bed; you have your own bed ok?"_ He said to her in Cyrillic Russian.

She then slowly went back towards the door and ran the hell back to her room.

Miretta turned to Shasha, "Why don't you ever let our girls sleep in bed with us when they have nightmares? My father used to let me sleep in his bed whenever I had bad dreams." Miretta snapped.

"I am not your father." Shasha said before going back to sleep.

Yup there you have it; Shasha was the worse father in the world. No, the worse father in the universe! Zarbon never made sense of why his younger half-sister married this dumb brute. Zarbon and everyone else had warned Miretta about Shasha and how brutal he was, she didn't listen, she was so attracted by his alpha male personality and how strongly he came onto her and he wasn't boring either.

Now keep in mind that Zarbon cried for days and days uncontrollably when he first found out that he was going to be an uncle. These weren't tears of happiness either, they were tears of sorrow. He couldn't understand why a brute like Shasha was allowed to be a father, and he wasn't. Why couldn't Frieza let him start his own family? He just didn't get Frieza's logic at all.

Of course this took major reassuring on Cui and Appule's part. They had to literally tell Zarbon that this situation as far from ideal and that Zarbon was so lucky not to have kids, otherwise how can he have a great military career like he had? They also told him that Miretta made a stupid mistake marrying Shasha and that the two constantly had unprotected sex.

When Miretta first found out about being pregnant from Shasha, she made this excuse up "Well it was my only time to be with Shasha."

Later on though, she admitted that Lida was an "oops", and not once, but at least four separate times. Whether she wanted a baby or not, that's more or less up for debate, but it was too late. The girls were already here, and they weren't going anywhere.

Never-the-less Zarbon adored his nieces, they were the closest thing to a biological child he was going to get, for now. He just didn't get to see them very often since he was so busy with work. He didn't of course like the way they came into this brutal kill or be killed world, but since they were family he had a duty to them.

Every once in a while when Shasha was away on a mission, Miretta would invite Zarbon over to visit with her and his nieces. Shasha did not like Zarbon visiting, Shasha didn't want his daughters to get the idea that it was ok to read fairy tales like Zarbon did. His rage with Zarbon was so bad, that he once openly accused Zarbon of wanting to sexually abuse his daughters, which of course was pure bullshit.

Shasha was just not a nice person and I guess couldn't understand that it was okay for Zarbon to treat his children like people. These stupid arguments between the two would erupt and would make the girls cry, they girls just didn't understand why Shasha would get mad at Zarbon, just for being kind to them. This would happen whenever Shasha would come home drunk and early with a mission.

One such incident arose when Shasha was away on a mission. Since Zarbon had the day off, he decided to visit his sister and his nieces. They had tea, talked about various topics and then Miretta asked Zarbon if he could read to them and tuck them in since she was slipping out "for a smoke", which was actually the cue for that she was going to go and see if Vegeta wanted to fuck that night.

The kids didn't know this, but she hardly ever came back smelling like cigarette smoke. So Miretta left and Zarbon read to them fairy stories that he was read to by Appule, Cui and sometimes Frieza even when he was little.

Miretta was gone for like an hour and Zarbon was reading to his nieces one of those fairy stories from Planet Earth Number 2 (our planet earth, but more like an alternate version). It was a story about Beauty and the Beast, one of Zarbon's favorites! Although to be honest he liked a lot of fairy stories and stories of chivalry, they were a way for him to get away from the assholes of the real world.

"So he transformed into a handsome prince and they lived happily ever after, the end." Zarbon said closing the book.

"Uncle Zarbon, is it true that if I marry someone ugly that they will transform into a handsome prince like the guy in the book did?" The five-year old Tatiana asked.

"Well, we Primal Changelings have been known to be a very attractive species, although we usually do transform into beasts, so this is the closest thing you are going to get to this fairy tale." Zarbon said.

"How come I never transformed into an ugly beast?" Tatiana asked.

"You might be too young, or maybe your parents never taught you." Zarbon said.

"Can you teach me how to transform into an ugly beast?" Lida asked.

"I have to think about that one." Zarbon said very hesitant.

"Can you read to us some more? I'm not very tired, and I think I had too much juice." Lida said.

"Oh all right, what story do you want me to read next?" Zarbon asked.

Then all the sudden, Shasha came into the quarters, drunk as a skunk! Shasha then went into his daughter's room and got angry to see Zarbon there!

"Zarbon vhat are you doing here? Vhy are you not on mission?" Shasha asked.

"It was my day off Shasha; I was visiting with Miretta and the children." Zarbon said.

"Vhat is that?" Shasha asked pointing to the book.

Oh shit, Zarbon was so screwed, "Its nothing, I was…"

"Teaching them how to read English? I don't think you get it pretty boy! I don't vant them to grow up vaiting for Prince Charming to show up on white stallion and carry them off into sunset! These shit stories could not be more deceptive!" Shasha yelled.

"They're just stories Shasha, I'm just trying to tuck them in and read them to sleep, what's the problem with that? The point to reading bedtime stories is so that children can enjoy them and go to sleep, the stories weren't meant to be accurate. They are for entertainment purposes, and even present some morals as well." Zarbon said.

"They are my children! Not yours! You are just their uncle; you have no say-so in how I raise them!" Shasha said.

"Don't you want your children to grow up and marry into wealthy and well off families? Don't you want them to be educated and cultured?" Zarbon asked standing up and trying to intimidate the one inch taller Shasha.

"No I don't! I vant them to be stupid, like me damn it!" Shasha said throwing a temper tantrum.

"Why? So they can marry horrible men like you?" Zarbon asked.

"You made big mistake I vill mutilate you!" Shasha then flung himself at Zarbon and the two started extending their claws and fighting one another. It was common knowledge that Primal Changelings could be very vicious when fighting other species or one another. Of course this scared the crap out of the girls, and then Miretta showed up, she came home sooner than anyone thought she would.

"What is going on here? Shasha get off of Zarbon, Zarbon stop clawing at Shasha!" Miretta shouted.

This did not end well, the two men were bruised and clawed marked by the time they both stood in front of Frieza. Miretta was so concerned that she went to get Dodoria, who then went to get Frieza, talk about less than helpful. The two looked angry that was for sure. Frieza face palmed himself; he could not believe these two got out of control with one another.

"What happened?" Frieza asked.

"He vas teaching my children to believe in stupid fairy tales!" Shasha said.

"I was reading them bedtime stories, like you used to read to me Frieza!" Zarbon said.

"Well they are Shasha's children so he gets to decide if you do so or not." Frieza said.

"That's not fair! I want those girls to grow up to have bright minds and expand their horizons so they can marry into wealthy, well off families and possibly find true love with someone more intelligent and kind than this idiot right here." Zarbon said.

"You living in fairy tale Zarbon, grow the hell up!" Shasha said sticking his tongue out at Zarbon.

"Talk about juvenile behavior." Zarbon said.

"Oh shut the hell up you two! I have had it with you two; this is the fifth time this month this has happened! You leave me no choice!" Frieza said.

"You mean?" Shasha asked.

"That's right, you two are going to have to do a mission together, and there is this planet that needs to be investigated before we plan to take it over." Frieza said.

"How do I come into picture, I come into picture usually vhen ve take planets over!" Shasha said.

Frieza then said, "It's kind of like a job shadow of Zarbon really, but this isn't an option, this is punishment because you two cannot seem to get along. While I have no problem with you two disliking each other, I do have a problem with your constant clawing at one another! I know you are Primal Changelings and your primal instinct comes out when fighting, but you two couldn't keep it under control even if I…"

"No I won't go with him! The last time I did a mission with Shasha, he ended up stuck in the swamp, and do you realize that this guy doesn't wash his Cossack uniform for months!" Zarbon said.

"Unfortunately this comes with the territory of recruiting ruthless soldiers, but whatever I can handle a little bit of body odor." Frieza said.

"I don't like him either! He like to take baths, put cologne on and brush his teeth twice a day! Do you realize how dangerous it is to brush your teeth more than three times a veek?" Shasha asked.

"Actually Shasha its common knowledge and a hygiene regulation to brush your teeth twice a day. You couldn't be more wrong on this one. Brushing your teeth twice a day is no more dangerous than say stepping on a tack without any shoes on." Frieza said.

"I refuse to hang around the likes of Zarbon! I cannot stand people who flaunt how good-looking they are, and crap about how much they hate their other form! Get over it, your other form is ugly!" Shasha said.

"I cannot stand someone who boasts about how many girls he raped on the battlefield, it's not only depressing to listen to, but its old world thinking and dangerous to go on sexual encounters like that! Does he not realize that he could end up accidently impregnating someone, or die having sex with them if they aren't the same species, or getting an STD! He doesn't even bring condoms to the battlefield!" Zarbon said.

"Vhat I do vith my sex life is no business of yours." Shasha said.

"Excuse me; I'm not the one who boasts about how helpless women are! Do you not realize that most of the women you overpower are twice as small and helpless as you? I don't see the point in having nonconsensual sex." Zarbon said.

"Yep, more helpless they are the better." Shasha said with a huge grin on his face.

"Maybe he has different values than you do Zarbon, you just have to accept the fact that Shasha is more brutal-oriented than you are. That's why I recruited him, I want brutal soldiers here and there, otherwise how will I strike fear into the enemy?" Frieza said.

Of course we have to realize that Frieza didn't have a conscience, so he didn't care if Shasha went out of his way to have non-consensual sex with his targets of his blind rage. Since Zarbon was way more intelligent and careful about sex though, of course it offended him of what Shasha was capable of.

"Look you two, pack your bags and go on the mission like I told you! Now beat it, I will see you at the space pod grounds in the morning!" Frieza yelled.

So the next day Zarbon and Shasha were at the space pod grounds and given clothing that were worn on this planet. Zarbon didn't seem to mind them, but Shasha was not feeling it. "No, I vill not vear clothing like this!" Shasha said throwing them to the ground.

"What are you worried that you aren't sexy enough for this planet?" Zarbon said laughing.

"Shut up Primal Changeling pup! You know I care nothing for my physical appearance, in fact more fierce I look, much better." Shasha said.

"I don't know why you thrive so much on striking fear into others, you are a coward and you know it." Zarbon said.

"Ok that's enough you two! Now here is what I want you do. I want you to go disguised as commoners and look the part." Frieza said.

"Очки? Неужели Фриза?" Shasha asked holding up a pair of glasses.

"Shasha, would you like to go to the work camp for a week, I can schedule you for a really cold winter there." Frieza said.

Shasha thought about the last time he was sentenced to work camp, he had too much fun. He would trip some of the prisoners, steal their food and even beat them up. He watch them starve and whine and even attack other prisoners. It was a madhouse, and Shasha thrived on madness.

Shasha smiled his stupid big smile that showed his gap front teeth, Frieza frowned, "You know what come to think of it, you would have too much fun! You are going to this planet whether you like it or not." Frieza said.

"Looks like you are stuck with me," Zarbon said smiling.

"I hate you Zarbon." Shasha said.

So they got into their space pods, dressed as the commoners of that planet and set off into space! When they landed on the planet, they landed on the outskirts of the village. They got out of their space pods and Shasha took a stumble wearing these glasses, Zarbon couldn't help but laugh, he hated that dumb jerk of a brother-in-law.

"Idiot can't even wear glasses correctly," Zarbon said.

"I don't vear glasses, this is vhy this is stupid." Shasha said.

"Give me those, maybe I will be able to see better through them than you." Zarbon said taking the glasses.

"Dear God, you can't see anything with these things." Zarbon said.

"I told you!" Shasha said.

"Let's ditch these and get some fake glasses in town," Zarbon said throwing the useless glasses away.

So they managed to get into town, and used some of the money that Frieza gave to them to buy some fake glasses so that they stayed under the radar. This planet was interesting; it was one of those planets where there were a number of different species.

Shasha then started whining again, "Now what's the problem?" Zarbon asked.

"I hate glasses, they makes me look ugly!" Shasha said.

"What? You're ugly anyways, you said so yourself." Zarbon said.

"I know, but these make me look twice as ugly as my usual ugly self." Shasha said.

"We're not here to look good or ugly, we are under cover and we don't want people recognizing us." Zarbon said.

"Oh please like anyone here knows who ve are." Shasha said.

Then some what appeared to be a child come up to them, they stared at them, which was a concern, for a mere second. Then the kid turned and yelled, "Hey look at these ugly losers! They look like a combination of a nerd and a peasant!"

The group of kids laughed and then ran off, "Vhy those little brats!" Shasha said.

"Oh please you thrive on being ugly, you of the two of us should feel the least insulted." Zarbon said.

"Look who is talking Mr. I like going undercover," Shasha sneered.

"Let's get back to the mission; we need to find out what valuables and minerals can be provided for the empire." Zarbon said.

So they did just that, they looked up some kind of information format about what businesses did private tours of minerals and other trade materials. The first place they visited was a factory of a mineral that was similar to gold, but was stronger and more valuable.

They introduced themselves like this, "Hi I'm a student at a university from a distant planet, and have come with my friend to do research on this mineral that you produce." Zarbon said.

Shasha then tactlessly said, "Ve are not…"

"I am going to need your passes to show you this stuff, who knows what kind of liability you will be if one of you gets hurts." The guy said.

"Here they are," Zarbon said giving the false passes to the guy.

They listened to the guy talk about the assets company brought and who they traded with.

"This really boring Zarbon," Shasha said.

"Just be patient, all will work out the way it's supposed to." Zarbon said.

Then they were showed the minerals, they did in fact look like Gold, but they also looked like gold gemstones, they glistened and glowed in the dark when the tour guide turned the light off.

"What aspects do these minerals bring to the economy?" Zarbon asked.

"They can be melted down and made into pieces for pencils and pens. See?" the guide held up a pencil and then took a piece of paper and started writing on it, it left a gold-like lead behind.

"Now is this all these are used for?" Zarbon asked.

"For the time being, yes." The guide said.

Well that was one failed mission, so they decided to go…to a turtle farm next! Shasha was irritated as Zarbon stared adorably at the turtles in the tanks.

"You took me to fucken turtle farm?" Shasha asked with a less than amused look on his face.

"I cannot resist, they are so adorable, especially the small ones you can keep in a small tank at home." Zarbon said.

"This is just one of many reasons that I hate you Zarbon." Shasha said.

So they continued with this all day, and then night fell, so they got a hotel room to stay in with the money that Frieza gave to them. They spent the night there and did we mention that Shasha had terrible bathroom habits. Zarbon found out the hard way when nature called for him. Shasha forgot to flush the toilet, let's just say that, nothing more.

"Shasha you should be ashamed!" Zarbon said coming out of the bathroom.

"Vhat? Vhen you need to go, you need to go." Shasha said forming a smile while he was lying down on the bed.

"No excuse for not flushing the toilet Shasha! You have got to be the most disgusting person I have ever come across!" Zarbon said.

"So vhat, I don't care." Shasha said.

So they tried again the next day, another failure, so that night they went to a bar.

"Can we have something to drink please?" Zarbon asked.

"Sure, just need to see some ID." The bartender said.

"Wait what? What is the age drinking limit on this planet anyways? Especially considering that there are different species that live on this planet?" Zarbon asked.

"That depends, that's why I need to see some ID," said the bartender.

"I don't know if you noticed or not, but we're two big guys, so the chances of us getting drunk easily is quite minimal." Zarbon said.

"Fine, what species are you?" asked the bartender.

"Ve are Primal Changeling." Shasha said.

"What the hell is that?" the bartender asked.

"Never mind, I can see that we aren't wanted here." Zarbon said.

Later that week, they went to see a soothsayer, of course Shasha thought this was bullshit, but Zarbon was more into the supernatural, so sucks to be Shasha that's all I'm saying.

"Let me look at your palm young man." The woman said taking Zarbon's palm.

"What do you see? It's been forever since I have read palms; I think I might have lost some of my ability to." Zarbon said.

"Looks like you're going to be a father someday, but not anytime soon." The soothsayer said.

"I am?" Zarbon asked excitedly with joy in his eyes.

"Yes, but this will be a long while, after you die." The soothsayer said.

"Wait, wait, so I'm supposed to die first, but if I die then how do I end up having children?" Zarbon asked.

"First of all, you will be killed, by a traitor to the man you serve," the soothsayer said.

"Vegeta!" Shasha and Zarbon said at the same time.

It really didn't take a whole lot of rocket science for any of those two to figure out that Vegeta had the tendency to betray Frieza. Shasha was neither soothsayer nor a magic user like Zarbon, but even he could see that coming from miles away.

"Then after a couple of decades after you have died, you will be resurrected, by a beautiful, but complicated sorceress. She will be the mother of your children, but according to this palm, you might have to be in the friend zone on and off with her before getting to her heart completely." The soothsayer said.

"At least you get out of friend zone sometime." Shasha said laughing.

Let's make something very clear, Shasha nor the soothsayer actually say the term friend zone, the term didn't exist back then, but they said a similar meaning to the term. But Shasha was a sexually aggressive guy, all he could think of was making females suffer and all he could think of was sex, Zarbon did the right thing and ignored him, even though yes Zarbon wanted to slap the shit out of Shasha.

"But how many children will I have?" Zarbon asked.

"According to your palm, five or six. You might have to go through a few miscarriages since the mother of your children isn't your species." The soothsayer said.

"Wait, so the mother of my species isn't a Primal Changeling at all?" Zarbon asked.

"This is pure bullshit let me tell you," Shasha said.

"In fact, believe it or not, she will be a human." The soothsayer said.

Oh no, not a human! Humans were one of the most violent species in the universe. In fact Frieza admired human dictators like Hitler and got a lot of inspiration to commit atrocities from him and other human bad guys. Yes Frieza annihilated many alien species and stole their planets for resources and to sell to other aliens, but humans took their cruelty to new levels.

Humans had a bad reputation of killing each other for the stupidest of reasons, such as ethnicity, race, language, religion, over land, over oil and over so many other stupid reasons that Frieza probably forgotten half of them. Whereas aliens didn't usually kill each other over language, and especially not over skin color. They also didn't annihilate part of their own species over differences such as the ones humans did to each other.

Zarbon did not know much about humans, he just knew that they aged faster than Primal Changelings, that they came in all sorts of different shapes and sizes, and that they spoke even more languages than Primal Changelings. He just knew that while Frieza admired human bad guys, Zarbon was also warned by Frieza himself that humans were one of the most dangerous species to negotiate with in the universe.

The premonition excited, yet frightened Zarbon, would this human be as scary as the ones like Hitler? Or would this human even be pretty let alone a knockout enough for Zarbon to want to have kids with? Zarbon wasn't even thinking about a relationship anyways, but it would have been nice if he had a family at some point in time.

"What else does it say?" Zarbon asked.

"It says that not long after you get resurrected by the sorceress, you will be united with an estranged relative of yours." The soothsayer said.

"No, no! I hope to God it's not my father! I hate his guts, he cheated on my mother and didn't even bother to come and get me from Planet Frieza!" Zarbon said crossing his arms.

"Now it my turn," Shasha said pushing Zarbon out of the seat and sitting down in it facing the soothsayer.

"Give me your palms," said the soothsayer.

So Shasha did just that, she studied them, and there would be times where she would gasp and have confused looks on her face. There were even times where she would look appalled. She looked into those red eyes of Shasha.

"You have had a really tumultuous past and you have a tumultuous future ahead of you." She said.

"Vhat do you mean sooka?" Shasha asked.

"First of all, well where do I start with this one?" the soothsayer asked.

"Go ahead, be honest, you had to be honest with me, and I'm sure Shasha can handle this one." Zarbon said.

"According to your palm, you are a rather bad man. You have committed so much violence against women of different species, and you thrive on violence." The soothsayer said, stating the G-rated version of things.

"Vell that is true." Shasha said smiling rather cocky.

"It also says that you are going to have a child, there appears to be three lines under your pinky finger." The soothsayer said.

"Really? Is it a son?" Shasha asked.

"It doesn't really say right this second, as the lines have the tendency to change throughout your life." The soothsayer said.

"You really don't know vhat fuck you talking about do you?" Shasha said.

The soothsayer gasped, "Wait, I see a fire, you have committed a terrible crime or something against the law, and you will…"

"I vill vhat? Hu? Say it to my face!" Shasha said getting irritated.

"I think we have had enough of this soothsaying stuff, come on Shasha, we have to go back to the hotel." Zarbon said worried that the soothsayer was going to tell Shasha he didn't want to hear, and risking his very violent tendencies.

"Fine vhat vaste of time." Shasha said getting out of the chair.

They went back to the hotel and went to bed.


	7. Chapter 7

The Alpha and the Beta Part 2

Shasha then had another flashback dream, this time it was when he was going to move again. This time it would be very different.

 _"We need to move to Planet Frieza, they have a wonderful education system for Primal Changelings in the Primal Changeling community,"_ His mother said in the next scene of the dream.

 _"Why not go to Planet Primal for that?"_ Shasha asked.

 _"Because we are not politically wanted there, that's why."_ Miss Michlev said.

So Shasha and his mother moved to Planet Frieza into the Planet Primal community, they spoke a mixture of Planet Primal English and Planet Cyrillic Russian. Shasha learned English quickly when he was taking classes in English however he never ever learned how to read or write in English. He quickly grew to hate school and the people that went to school with him. He was just some poor peasant boy as far as they were concerned, but little did they know that he had some bottled rage inside of him.

Then it happened, the flashback turned into a pogrom that Frieza had ordered on the Planet Frieza Primal Changeling community. This was back in the day where Frieza had some genocidal tendencies against the Primal Changelings of Planet Frieza. This was before Cooler deemed these communities on Planet Frieza to be safer under his command, but of course the pogroms continued well after that.

This time it was different, after Frieza had the king and queen of Planet Primal handed over to him by their traitor daughter, he had them beheaded and started a quest to annihilate the Primal Changelings not just located on Planet Frieza, but soon on Planet Primal and Planet Cyrillic. This was before Zarbon's dad became king on Planet Primal and got protection of his species from Cooler.

During this pogrom, the houses were set on fire, and soldiers ran around of course raping women and mutilating and killing anyone in sight. Of course many Primal Changelings transformed in self-defense, but it was useless, considering that the majority of soldiers were in face Icejin Changelings. Shasha wasn't scared, he was quite excited, and finally some action around here he figured.

 _"Come on Shasha, we have to get out of here and go back to Planet Cyrillic for safety!"_ His mother shouted packing some things.

 _"I'm not going back! I want to stay here!"_ Shasha yelled.

 _"You will come with me whether you like it or not!"_ His mother said grabbing him.

So they were outside, and they were stopped by a group of Icejin Changeling soldiers. _"What is the meaning of this?" Miss_ Michlev asked.

 _"Take off your cloths lady, show us some skin!"_ one soldier commanded in Russian Cyrillic since he somehow figured that Miss Michlev looked more like a stereotypically dressed Cyrillican vs the English speaking regular Primal Changelings. He also figured she did not know English, which was in fact correct believe it or not!

 _"Never! Shasha kill this man!"_ Miss Michlev said.

Shasha only smiled, pushed his mother down with great strength, and started to tear her clothes off to the point where she was stripped naked. Then he grabbed a katana from one of the soldiers and decapitated her. The soldiers were shocked, and not so much in a good way. He held her head up in triumph, the woman who had raised him, but mercilessly beat him and scared his face, was now dead!

"Take me to Emperor Frieza; I vant to join his army!" Shasha yelled.

So the rest is history and that is how Shasha was recruited as a soldier into Frieza's army. Frieza was so impressed by his brutality that he knew he had to have him as a solider. He even helped Frieza kill fellow Primal Changelings and it made him feel good to brutalize and rape helpless Primal Changeling women. That is how Shasha became known as Frieza's Red Terror.

Back to the present he was smiling and laughing while he was dreaming, Zarbon woke up and did not even want to know what Shasha was dreaming about. So he shut off his telepathy to Shasha and decided to wake the big dork up.

"Wake up you big idiot! I cannot sleep because you are laughing while you are dreaming of God knows what." Zarbon said.

Shasha then knew what he had to do, he had to put Zarbon his place, no not what you are thinking, but what is about to happen.

"Zarbon, you nothing but beta male." Shasha said.

"I'm sorry I don't know what that means." Zarbon said.

"It mean that you let people valk all over you. It's a bad example to set for my children." Shasha said.

"What do you know about being a good example? I like being chivalrous and a gentleman; it makes me feel more humane." Zarbon said.

"Oh please, it make you look like giant pussy. You too into yourself to share your bed vith female. Oh sure you look like alpha male, and you talk like one, but you are nothing but beta." Shasha said.

"It's more complicated than that, I don't consider sex a huge priority." Zarbon said.

Of course Zarbon didn't want to tell the whole truth to Shasha, if Shasha knew just the real reason why Zarbon stayed away from hot sex, then he would laugh at him more. What was the real reason you ask? For those of you living under a rock, Frieza had of course threatened many times to castrate Zarbon if he ever caught him having hot sex of any kind. Zarbon was so scared this was going to happen, that he kept his dick in his pants.

If anything, for Frieza, Zarbon was a huge target of his rage, especially since Zarbon was so polite and considerate, even when he preferred not to be. Frieza wanted to control Zarbon's personal life, he wanted him to stay "pure" until he died and the throne passed to Zarbon. He wanted some kind of control over Zarbon especially since he knew that he would listen to him just as much as Dodoria and Shasha.

It also could have been jealousy, because he noticed that women swooned and crooned whenever Zarbon walked into view.

He wondered, "Why the hell aren't they doing that to me?" So yes Frieza did in fact suffer from jealousy issues, he also didn't have a deep sexy sounding soothing voice like Zarbon, oh he had a British-like accent like Zarbon, but it wasn't what we call soothing or sexy.

Who the hell knows if Frieza would have castrated Zarbon or not for engaging in hot sex? Frieza was so mad that he said a lot of horrible things and sometimes off the wall things to his men. A lot of his men took these threats he made to them seriously, after all many of them witnessed how horrible Frieza's rage actually was.

It was no big secret that Frieza made Zarbon's life a living hell and Zarbon allowed him to walk all over him. Frieza knew that his solders were out of control, but did nothing about it, he knew that Shasha and Dodoria loved and thrived on violence and treating the opposite sex like crap, he knew that Zarbon was so vain, sentimental and in his own world.

"Vhat? How could you not? You good looking male, you could bone any girl you vant if you just seduce them vith your looks. Dodoria and I have to usually force sex on a girl to get them to have sex vith us. They never think ve are good looking." Shasha said.

"Look, I don't need you to lecture me about this alpha, beta stuff. I am my own person; I don't let society define me just because I'm good looking. I am dedicated to my career and serving lord Frieza in any way that I can, as long as I stay at the top and in his good graces." Zarbon said.

"Oh Zarbon, you sound like female," Shasha said laughing.

"So you assume that because I'm vain, career oriented and much more sensitive than you, that I'm somehow a female?" Zarbon asked.

"Vhat I am saying is that if you think that chivalry is great thing, then I cannot tell you how vrong you are. No voman in right mind vants male who is going to let her step on him and be her knight in shining armor. You read too many fairytales; you must not have life at all." Shasha said.

"What you are saying is that females don't want a man who treats them like his equal and can actually have a normal conversation with?" Zarbon asked.

"Vomen like to be controlled Zarbon, they like aggressive men like me, not because I look good, but because I know vhat I vant, and I get vhat I vant. That is vhy your sister married me, she liked that I vanted to control her and it vas so easy to seduce her vith my brutality, since brutality is more attractive to female than some guy who talk about how he vant to rescue voman from dragon." Shasha said.

Of course Shasha was truly clueless about what women wanted, no woman in the right mind wanted a man who completely controlled them to the point of abuse. Shasha was so convinced that he was this alpha male that was so brutal that women would not think twice before sleeping with him. You could only excuse his past troubles with women so much, before you would realize in the end that he made himself a bigger monster than what he would have liked to admit.

"So because you are a big, male you think that you have the right to have any girl you want? Did it ever occur to you that women have minds of their own? I mean what woman in the right mind would want to sleep with a guy like you? You treat them terribly and like they are nothing but a piece of property you can just fuck." Zarbon said.

"That is vhy I get the girl Zarbon, vomen like assholes, that is vhy Miretta goes to have sex vith Vegeta, not because he treats her better than me, because he think he's entitled to her just because they vere engaged before she ended up marrying me. To tell truth, I don't give a shit that she cheats on me vith Vegeta, even though I hate Vegeta so much." Shasha said.

"But what about attraction or common interests?" Zarbon asked.

"The true vay to get into voman's pants is to either force them, or manipulate them. You obviously are naïve to culture ve live in. On Planet Frieza, vomen are more like property than equals. This mean you can have anyone of them you vant, as long as you pursue them if you don't rape them. This love and equality you talk about, is nothing like fairy tales. True love don't exist, especially on Planet Frieza." Shasha said.

"So what you are saying is that the women I happen to be friends with, are nothing but sex toys? You're a monster. I cannot begin to tell you how awful and terrible you sound. Just because we live in a male dominate society, doesn't mean that we cannot be friends with women." Zarbon said.

"No, no. I live in real world, unlike you. You see vomen and men cannot really be friends, without sex getting into the vay. It's just not realistic and if you are too nice to them, there is no vay they vill vant a relationship or hot sex vith you. Exactly how many voman friends do you have?" Shasha asked.

"Quite a few," Zarbon said.

"Oh please, most of Frieza's men are males! Frieza does not vant too many females rising in our ranks. He think that females vith minds are dangerous. Besides they probably aren't really your friends, they probably vant to be more than friends vith you, or they vant you to give them hot sex. Vomen are not angels, they vant hot sex just as much as ve do. If you had more experience vith opposite sex you vould know this." Shasha said.

See here lies the problem between the two; Zarbon was so intelligent that nobody as brutal and sexist as Shasha could understand his level of thinking. To Zarbon if you were intelligent and had a softer less aggressive attitude in life, then you were more or less on his level of thinking. But if you were more stupid and brutal, then he pretty much looked down on you.

Yes Zarbon was guilty of reading those stupid stories about chivalry and fairy tales. Yes sometimes they did have an emotional impact on him as a person, and made him think more deeply of things that many of Frieza's others soldiers could care less about. However it's not fair to say that Zarbon was a pure beta, in reality he was a combination of both.

But let's be honest here, Shasha was right. It was a very male dominate society on Planet Frieza. A lot of Frieza's soldiers got away with rape and gruesome murders towards women. The only women who had educations were either of royalty or of the military, even though there were so little opportunities for women compared to men.

Back to the issue at hand, Zarbon could not understand for the life of him why in the hell Shasha would say such a thing. Zarbon was raised probably to be more open-minded than Shasha, probably because the majority of the raising of him was done by Cui and Appule, both considered more beta males, and both more intelligent. Frieza was just kind of there when it was convenient for him, he didn't really think of Zarbon much as an adoptive son, despite legally adopting him.

"Maybe if you got to know my female friends, then you would see that they don't constantly want to be around males that easily want to dominate them. " Zarbon said.

"Look, I don't care how much of feminist you are, it's really unattractive and that is why you have hard time scoring vith vomen!" Shasha said.

"This conversation is over; I don't want to talk to you anymore." Zarbon said.

Zarbon just felt so insulted by everything Shasha said, after all Zarbon looked at his younger half-sister Miretta as a person, and he looked at his nieces as people, Zarbon's mother, who died when he was like three, was a woman too, and he had memories of being close to her before she died. Of course Zarbon was very offended by Shasha's backwards, Dark Age thinking.

I mean what the hell was the problem with Zarbon just wanting to be friends with women anyways? I mean if Cui was around female scientists and engineers all the time and were just friends, and Appule was around female nurses all the time and were nothing more than friends with them, then what made Shasha think that Zarbon had no right to be around other females and just be friends with them?

Zarbon was even more furious that someone this evil and sexist was a father to two girls. He could have cared less about this alpha, and beta concept. He just knew that Miretta made a huge error in judgement marrying this sexist, rapist asshole whose only talent was playing the saxophone and aggressive flirting which drove the more messed up female soldiers wild.

Just because sex wasn't a huge priority of Zarbon's doesn't mean that he didn't check women out. In fact, he thought females were very attractive, he also had an ex-girlfriend named Liya, who unfortunately become more psychotic and cold as time went on. Yes they even had sex, but that was like one time and Zarbon felt badly for her when she told this woe is me story to him. Funny how Frieza suspected that they got it on, but seemed to let Zarbon off the hook.

So later that night, Shasha snuck out of the hotel room and destroyed Zarbon's space pod that he came in and came up with this elaborate plan to leave him on the planet. Shasha then left Zarbon alone on the planet, but little did he know that Zarbon was onto him and knew he was going to do this, so Zarbon managed to bribe someone on that planet to get him a space pod and use it to go back to Planet Frieza.

Shasha got back to Planet Frieza where Frieza waited for him at the space pod grounds. Shasha got out of the space pod, "Frieza how great to see you!" he yelled.

"Cut the crap, where is Zarbon?" Frieza asked.

"Oh you mean Mr. Beta? He died." Shasha said.

"I don't believe you, what did you do to him you worm?" Frieza asked as his eyes started glowing red.

"I told you he died!" Shasha said.

"Oh did I?" it was Zarbon! He was back! He didn't die like Shasha said.

"That was a real smooth move you pulled Shasha, you think you are really slick don't you?" Zarbon said with a smirk on his face, but a more or less pissed off smirk.

All the sudden Miretta ran to Shasha, jumped onto him and started kissing him, "Vhy are you so happy to see me?" Shasha asked.

"I'm pregnant Shasha!" Miretta said.

Zarbon went from being sure of himself for being able to escape that planet, to being just shocked as hell, the soothsayer they visited was right! It really killed the mood for him.

"Oh hu, congratulations?" Zarbon asked with a slight pain in his voice. He was not very happy.

"You should be happy for us!" Shasha said.

Happy for him? Happy for him? Zarbon hated the hell out of him! How could he feel happy for someone who was mean to him? Mean to his friends? Mean to his half-sister and their daughters? Nobody is truly under the obligation to feel happy for people who caused them and others pain, and nobody said this happiness would last either.

"Let's go have sex!" Miretta said, as Shasha picked her up and carried her in his arms away from the space pod grounds.

"Oh those crazy kids." Frieza said laughing it off.

Later that week, Zarbon was in the cafeteria with Cui and Appule by his side, he was not happy. "I knew that slime ball Shasha would leave me on that planet for me to die. He also got Miretta pregnant again." Zarbon said.

"Congratulations, you're going to be an uncle again." Appule said.

"Totally inappropriate Appule." Cui said.

"What? Do you have a problem with typical questions and statements Cui?" Appule asked.

"Hey Zarbon those girls are waving at you over there," Cui said pointing to a table with female soldiers.

"They sure are cute; I wish it was me they were waving at." Appule said.

"I'm sure they are waving at either us all or at some other table." Zarbon said.

"I say wave to them and see where this goes." Cui said.

Zarbon sighed, and stuck his hand up in the air and waved at them and the girls giggled nervously.

"See they want to talk to you, not us," Cui said.

Zarbon shyly looked at the women looking at him, "I think I'm pretty happy…"

"Look it's been a while since you broke up with Liya; it's time to move on. See if any of those women over there want to be your girlfriend." Appule said.

Zarbon hesitated, "What if Frieza doesn't like…"

"Who the hell cares what Frieza thinks? We have all broke the rules at some point in time." Cui said.

Zarbon sighed, "But what about the fact that my other form is so hideous, what if they know about it…"

"Oh come on, we're not that far along yet, go talk to them and see what they have to say." Cui said.

"Ok fine," Zarbon said getting up from the table and walking over to the girl's table.

"Hello," Zarbon said bowing to them. They started to laugh a lot.

Zarbon looked up, here he was being polite, and what do these women do? They giggle! "I'm sorry I…"

"Don't be sit down we want to talk with you." Said one of the girls.

Zarbon sat down at the table, "So what do you want to talk about?" Zarbon asked.

"Tell us about yourself, we're so curious, we think you are so mysterious and we don't know much about you, other than the fact that you are very handsome and in great shape!" said another of the girls.

"Well there isn't really much to tell, except that I'm a five star general, heir to Frieza's empire, soothsayer and that's it." Zarbon said.

"Oh come on get to the nitty gritty details." Said another of the girls.

"Well, I'm the prince of the Primal Changelings and I work out, study foreign languages, and I like to read a lot, in fact I read this one story lately that dates back to the Crusades on Planet Earth 2. It's about this Muslim solider who rescues his love from a ruthless crusader, on the outskirts of Nazareth." Zarbon said with a smile on his face.

"We have no idea what you are talking about." Said one of the girls.

"Well, uh. Or I read somewhere that if you drop a cat from the top of the building that it will land on all fours." Zarbon said.

"We don't care about that either." Said another girl.

"We want to know what it was like for you to have sex with Liya." Said another of the girls.

"Wait, wait, how is that an appropriate topic of conversation?" Zarbon asked a little shocked.

"Oh come on, don't try to hide it, everyone knows that you fucked Liya a while back. She went around the palace boasting it to all us women." Said another girl.

"How could she boast about something so personal?" Zarbon asked hurt.

"Well don't take it so personal, I fucked Nappa like five times. He's so handsome and so muscular, but he's so fucking stupid." Said one other girl with light in her eyes.

"It couldn't be any easier to get that guy into bed with you. He uses his good looks to bed us girls and we love it!" another girl said.

"Don't you want to date someone who will see you as equals besides as a sexual object?" Zarbon asked.

"Oh hell no, who the hell said anything about dating? You can't find any good guy on this planet even if you tried. So why bother trying?" one of the girls said.

"Most of the good guys are either taken or they are so ugly! Then there is Vegeta, he's hotter than hell, but he won't talk to us, he only cares about hanging out with the Sayains, and banging Shasha's girlfriend." One of them said.

"Then there are Shasha and Dodoria, I don't find either of them attractive, but for some reason Shasha has like a strong sexual energy that I can subconsciously pick up on that I just wanna…"

"Ok I have to go," Zarbon said getting up and going back to where Cui and Appule were sitting.

Zarbon was not on their level of thinking at all, but then again these weren't highly educated women we were talking about. These women were no perfect angels, nope, not at all. They lived in such a sexist society where sex was a topic of conversation. They were surrounded by mostly men, how the hell could they not start talking about sex also? Maybe they thought it would make them cooler or something? Who the hell knows?

Zarbon sat down even angrier than when he was trying to get over the fact that Shasha left him for dead on that planet or the fact that Shasha got Miretta pregnant again.

Cui looked at Zarbon worried, "What's wrong?"

"Those women are scum. All they care about is sex and who they want to give it to. They don't care about my personality or my interests, in fact all they wanted to know was what having sex with Liya was like. Such an inappropriate topic, and they should be ashamed of themselves." Zarbon said.

"FYI, we all know you fucked Liya, she went and boasted to everyone about it including to Frieza." Cui said.

"Why would she do that? How would she of felt if I did the same to her?" Zarbon asked hurt.

"Let's put it to you this way, a lot of pretty girls such as Liya are messed up in the head. A lot of the prettier girls around here have sex with some of the high ranking soldiers like Dodoria and Shasha and Nappa. They will fuck just about any guy with good looks and major testosterone." Cui said.

"But why do they think that everyone wants to hear that stuff?" Zarbon asked.

"Because they are missing half their brains, that's why. They only talk about sex because all the other male soldiers do. I guess they think that acting more masculine will get them further up the latter or they think that it will help them fit in more, but all it does is confuses the hell out of us males." Cui said.

"Besides most of those girls don't notice guys like Cui and I, they won't talk to us because they know that we're too smart and mature for them." Appule said.

"Oh cut the crap Appule. They think we are ugly and somehow interpret us as being nice. They would rather go after dumbasses like Nappa, Shasha and Dodoria because they are full of lust and aren't afraid to use it to their advantage. Stupid attracts stupid, what can I say?" Cui said.

"This place is so messed up, why do I even live here?" Zarbon asked embarrassed that everyone knew including Frieza that he fucked Liya.

"They won't go after us because we are betas; they prefer alphas like Shasha, Dodoria and Nappa. They just think that sex isn't a huge deal I guess, and their self-esteem is probably lower than what you would think. They want it where it's easier to get it, and that means sleeping with those asshole alphas." Appule said.

"No, no, no! Not this alpha and beta shit again, I can't stand it." Zarbon said.

"Relax, it's not the end of the world if you are a beta, our personality types get along better because we are intelligent and we don't go throwing ourselves at random women. Do you know what would happen if we had unprotected sex with them? We would probably end up dead depending on what species they are." Appule said.

"I think the whole alpha, beta concept is just stupid." Zarbon said.

"It's like they say nice guys finish last." Appule said.

"But we're really not that nice to begin with. We help Frieza take over planets and destroy entire races of aliens, how is that nice?" Zarbon asked.

"Well in the technical sense we aren't since we are helping Frieza commit a number of atrocities, but we're just the smarter and less ruthless ones. When it comes right down to it though, many of us are just scared of losing our lives, since Frieza is loose cannon and could kill us without lifting a finger." Appule said.

"But that's no way to live," Zarbon said.

"Just stay alive for as long as you can. You are among friends here at this table, nobody is going to blame you for being terrified of Frieza, and it doesn't matter with this alpha beta stuff anyways. What matters is that we stay alive for as long as we can, at least until we can escape without risking us getting killed." Appule said.

"Yah like that day will ever come, I have tried to escape many times, but I just get caught and whipped for it. Where would we go? How do we know that people won't hunt us down for knowingly helping Frieza commit mass atrocities?" Zarbon said.

"Yah Appule, if anything we are kind of stuck here." Cui said.

"Let's change the subject, Zarbon is getting too upset." Appule said.

"Just don't worry about those girls Zarbon, maybe one day you can actually meet someone who is much smarter than them and is willing to overlook your other form and look at you as an equal, you know instead of a sex object." Cui said.

Zarbon gave into the pressures of society of being a beta male, who just happened to look and talk like an alpha. So after lunch he decided to confront Liya about her carelessness. He thought it was the assertive and manly thing to do; after all she didn't have to go and run her damn mouth! She was teaching a ballet class when he barged in.

"Liya, we need to talk, hallway now!" Zarbon said pointing to the hallway.

"Sorry I need to talk to Zarbon." Liya said walking out the door and following Zarbon out into the hallway.

"What is the meaning of this? I am trying to teach a class." Liya said.

"You told everyone that we had sex?" Zarbon asked.

"Yah so what? What's the big deal?" Liya asked.

"Because what we did was personal and I don't want people knowing my business!" Zarbon said.

"Oh but you should have seen the look on those women's faces when I boasted about us having sex in the closet. I managed to ruffle a few feathers here and there, you really don't understand that effect you have on women do you? They were so jealous that I got to have sex with a really good looking guy like you." Liya said.

"That's not the point; sex is a very personal thing that shouldn't be discussed in public. It should have never been anyone's business that we had sex! Is that all you look at me as, some good looking guy who needs to be fucked on a daily basis? I have feelings you know, and you hurt them. I also have a reputation to uphold, and you nearly ruined it. How could you be so cruel?" Zarbon asked.

"You are taking this way too personal. If it wasn't for me, you would have been castrated by now! Frieza was going to have you castrated for having sex with me! But I talked him out of it, I simply told him you made a huge error in judgement and thought that it was the right thing to do at the time." Liya said.

"A huge error in judgement? Are you kidding me, you were the one that came onto me! I felt sorry for you; I thought that if we got really close that you would at least appreciate me. While I thank you for saving me from being castrated, I'm very pissed off at you for looking at what we did as impersonal." Zarbon said.

"I needed a good fuck, I was depressed about the fact that my husband and daughter were beheaded by Frieza, and you just happened to be there for me, so I am grateful for that." Liya said.

"You are still missing the point aren't you? You seem to be taking very lightly that we had sex, especially since we are very different species." Zarbon said forming a rather passive aggressive smile.

"Are you ok?" Liya asked.

"I'm fine, why do you care anyways?" Zarbon said.

"It's almost like you are behaving like a beta male, you are being way too sensitive about this. It's just a fuck; I have had sex with many of the soldiers around here." Liya said.

Well Zarbon was not okay, in fact his fake smile faded and then ran into the room where she taught ballet, took her chair that she sat in and started smashing the mirror with it. Yup, he gone mad from the fact that Liya was being so callous and so insensitive to the fact that they had sex, something that he did not want to discuss with others.

"There, is that manly and alpha male enough for you?" Zarbon asked walking out of the classroom.

"What did you do my mirrors? I use that for my classes," Liya asked shocked as hell that he aggressively took it out on the mirrors. They were completely destroyed and the girls she taught ballet to were in corners of the room frightened as hell, he really scared the hell out of them, I mean who wouldn't have been?

"Nothing personal, have a nice day." Zarbon said smiling and walking away.

"Damn, that was so sexy on so many levels." Liya said smiling while some of her students were crying from the rather frightening experience. Liya didn't even seem to care that Zarbon had a total nervous breakdown and frightened her students, who found him to be so attractive, but now had a great reason to be afraid of him coming back to talk to Liya.

So Liya went and told Frieza what happened, and Frieza said he would have the mirrors repaired, but guess what Liya had to do for that to happen? That's right, be right in bed with Frieza, which she was somehow used to now, and it didn't bother her anymore.


End file.
